Getting Teeth Cut Out

Happy Monday, friends!

A good friend made a very encouraging reply to Friday's post to the effect that he hoped I would continue this blog.  I really appreciated it--I was feeling unwell and a little down when I read it, and it really lifted my spirits.  Rest assured that this will be continuing.

But let me tell you about getting my teeth cut out.  Two of them, on the top left, one impacted wisdom tooth and one abscessed molar.  (Actually the wisdom tooth was probably abscessed as well, but it definitely needed to go.)

I'm currently recovering and frankly don't feel great, but it wasn't horrible either.  On the plus side I've lost a few pounds.  :)  I'm on antibiotics and decongestants and painkillers--the sinus cavity did get involved..  Plus I have bad breath, which is socially a little awkward, and I just generally feel ill and can't eat much.  It'll pass--it's good to get it over with.

The doctor was great--I was awake the whole time and he narrated everything he was doing plus let me know exactly what to expect.  It was a huge anxiety relief for me.  A very surprising thing to me was that I was getting fearful in the waiting room.  They didn't keep me waiting but I was there early, so a few minutes of getting my nerves worked up was all my fault.  And I'm not generally afraid of much of anything that comes my way.  But it was interesting sitting in the chair with my Highlights magazine and watch myself getting more and more nervous.  An unusual and unpleasant experience for me.

But I'm feeling halfway human.  I've spent two days on serious painkillers and not able to concentrate on anything so it's a bit of a relief that the brain is working again.  And in a couple of days I'll be back to solid food, so it's all good.  Yay, smoothies and soup!

Hope all is well out there, friends, and God bless.

Redirecting the Blog

Happy Friday, friends!  Hope this finds you well.

Starting today the update schedule for The Neighbors Think We're Normal will be shifting from "Monday/Wednesday/Friday" to "every so often."

I'm not short on stories.  I have LOTS of stories I can tell.  But it strikes me that a general "strange things happen in our family and we face them with humor" theme is starting to surface in most of them and I'm not sure that's what I want the blog to be about.

Various possibilities come to mind.

1. This could become an encouraging and supporting community for those dealing with mental and physical illness in their families.

2. It could become an advocacy and informative sight on living with anxiety, depression, chronic pain, neurological issues, bipolar disorder, and a host of other things that we live with.  If that's the case I'd have to do a lot more research and homework to make sure I'm offering good stuff.

3. It could easily stay a light-hearted "story site."  There's a place for gentle encouragement and humor.

4. It could be some combination of the above-mentioned or something that hasn't even occurred to me yet.

In any event, until I find my way with it a little more clearly I'm going to be a little choosier about what gets posted and that means not posting so often.  Plus I have other interests that I indulge and a day job and other responsibilities.

I appreciate your prayers as we seek to figure out where this blog is going.

Thanks and God bless, friends.

Insurance Small Victory

Every once in a while, something works right.

We've never been exactly rolling in money; if it weren't for the generosity of extended family we wouldn't be able to enjoy the lifestyle that we do.  I don't make all that much money doing what I do and having family members with chronic health trouble is an expensive hobby.  I'm not complaining; God has always taken care of us and I have a roof over my head, I eat regularly, and I have some nice possessions--there are many people who couldn't say that.

But I've never had so much money that I could afford to toss it around carelessly and I have to juggle finances a lot, and health insurance snafus and medical bills are a frequent source of stress and frustration.  So it's nice when something works out.

On three separate occasions recently:

1. Calling the provider on a bill we don't think we owe: "Oh, we're sorry, Mr. Styron, that was a clerical error.  You should never have been sent that.  Just disregard it, please."

2. Calling the insurance company on a matter that should have been fully covered, as we'd met our deductible.  "Okay, we think we have that resolved.  Just get the provider to resubmit it, please, and we'll pay it."

3. Calling the insurance company because a pre-approval hadn't been properly credited.  "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought we had that straightened up.  Okay, yes, the system hadn't been updated.  Sorry about that, and we'll contact the doctor's office and take care of that."

So that's three different pieces of paper I can scribble a few notes on, file away, and forget about.  Yay!  (Now for the other seventeen pieces of paper still pending.....)

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

Building Community?

Happy Monday, friends!  Hoping you're all well out there.

You might send some good thoughts/vibes/prayers Adored Wife's way.  She has auditions for her play this evening and she's a little nervous about it.

Some thoughts on this blog itself; it's still quite new and small, and that's okay.  Everything has to start somewhere.  I'd like for it to grow to become a supportive community--there are LOTS of families out there where the neighbors think you're normal.  We all have our burdens to bear and it's easier to bear them together.

So I probably ought to do some real work toward promoting and growing it.  There are tools and techniques out there; I just have to be more deliberate and intentional about using them.  I would like to extend the invitation to any readers who'd like to weigh in with their own stories or thoughts--I'm very open to the idea of guest blogs.

But I do appreciate you reading, and God bless.

Laid Low By Teeth

One of my jokes is "do you know when the typical man will go to the doctor?"  The answer is that the typical man will go to the doctor when he can't get the bleeding stopped himself.

I'm not big on going to doctors, don't ask me why.  Probably it's at least partially a scarcity mentality; I begrudge the time and money it's going to cost.  There's probably also some stubbornness and pride in there, too.

Add to that a freaky pain threshold.  There's some evidence that things that are supposed to hurt don't bother me as much as they should--I'm not one of those poor souls who don't feel pain at all, but I've had the occasional doctor (and dentist) quizzically inquire "and you're saying that doesn't hurt?"

(By the way, "pain threshold" is often confused with "pain tolerance."  The latter is how much pain you can stand, the former is how much you actually feel.  I'm as big a wimp about pain as anybody; I just don't experience as much of it as most people.)  But pain is the body's warning sign that something needs attention; I've had to have one tooth pulled because the cavity never gave me more than mild discomfort (and I ignored that) and by the time it WAS troubling me it was too late to save the tooth.

So right now I'm dealing with an impacted wisdom tooth and with a mild tooth abscess in the molar next to it.  It really doesn't hurt much--a slight ache and discomfort when I bite on that side of the mouth is about all it amounts to--some evidence suggests that in most people it would be hurting a LOT.  But I've been running a low grade fever for a couple of weeks now, and that's getting old; I've just generally been unwell and dragging and fatigued.

So, oral surgery coming up, whee.  I finally broke down and went to the doctor, although I should have gone months ago when I first noticed some trouble with the tooth.  Currently I'm on antibiotics, which will hopefully take care of the fever.  Preferably soon, I've been feeling pretty crummy.

And I probably won't learn anything from this lesson about going to doctors either.

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

The Evening Unwinding

Adored Wife and I used to be insistent on a small routine.  Every evening after things were more or less settled we'd spend a few minutes in the kitchen and just talk.  Usually with a diet cream soda.

We've gotten away from that and are deliberately and intentionally getting it back.  I don't know how it stopped happening (I think it was probably when both daughters started often staying up later than I did) but we miss it, we've been doing it again for several nights, and I like it.

Last night wasn't eventful.  We talked a little about my day, a little about her day, about some administrivia relating to today, about her upcoming show and some upcoming surgery and doctor visits and Graphics Magician trying out for the track team, about how we could pray for each other.  Then we called a halt to business and intentionally talked about fun stuff, and wound up critically appraising recent superhero movies in general and the Marvel Cinematic Universe in particular and some things we've thought it's done very well and some things we're a little iffy about.  (We're fans.)

And we'll do it again tonight.  And tomorrow night.  And so on ad infinitum.  I'm not going to tell you we'll never miss a night, but I plan for it not to be often.

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

Fun, Not Fun

We encourage our family members to view their unique challenges with humor and perspective.

We do this by making fun of each other every chance we get.  You know, for demonstration purposes.  So for example if Basement Artist is all peopled out and desperately needs some alone time, we respect that space but we kid her about it.  The same with Social Hurricane and the hallucinations or the manic episodes.

We don't know if psychologists advise this, but it works for us.  If there's a problem, you put it in its proper place.  We don't ignore issues, but we try not to give them more power than they deserve.  A conversation with our introverted Artist might go like this.

"You look peopled out!"
"I am!"
"You should get some alone time!"
"I will!"
"Fine!"
"Fine!"  And she heads down the stairs and into her room, but we're both grinning.  And the rest of us will get on with our lives and she'll be out in an hour when she's feeling more herself.

The other night the family was watching "Agent Carter," which was fun.  Afterwards, Adored Wife (who'd been having a rough day) was getting ready to get moving when she had a "tic episode."  I may not have mentioned those--her hands and head jerk a few times.  It wouldn't normally be that much of a problem except for the chronic nerve pain, so those muscle tics really hurt.

She's rubbing her neck and looking pained, and I comment "that doesn't look fun."  Then one of the girls said something about how we know what fun looks like, and that wasn't it (a running joke.)  And I don't know how this got started, but somebody said that "Agent Carter" was fun.  And then we're all pointing at the television and then at Adored Wife, going "fun, not fun.  Fun, not fun."  And even AW is laughing through the pain.

Laughing through the pain.  That's how we roll.

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

Knocking Down the Door

Men and women react to things differently.  I'll illustrate, but first I have to tell you a story.

A few years back Social Hurricane had a really rough patch--running away, getting mixed up in bad company, acting out, PLUS a few suicide attempts.  She's been in psychiatric treatment facilities twice and has been in regular counseling and is a LOT more together these days.

But I knocked down her bedroom door one time.  It'd been an intense and stressful day and we'd had Defcon 5 levels of trouble.  Long story short, she'd locked herself in her room and was busily cutting her wrists in there and I didn't have time to go get the screwdriver and delicately finagle things.

I don't know if I've mentioned that I'm on the large side and actually quite strong?  Plus, you know, interior door.  I shoved once and broke the whole door frame.  SH later said the door came "exploding into the room."  Adored Wife was with me and told me it was pretty impressive.

I'd never knocked down a door before and haven't had occasion to do so since.

Now, here's the difference between men and women.  You tell this story to women, and they say some variation of "oh, that's terrible."  You tell this to men and they'll SAY "that's terrible" but inside they're all thinking "I've ALWAYS wanted to do that."

And honestly?  Despite all the troubles we were having and how stressful everything was, I'd always wanted to knock down a door.  That part of the evening was pretty cool.  It's a guy thing.

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

The Lonely Roller Coaster Ride

This actually happened several months ago, but Adored Wife is starting to get into the blog and gave me permission to tell this story.

She's a little self-conscious about using a cane or a handicapped placard for the car, but necessity has required her to get over these things.  Her flexibility isn't great but she doesn't have any trouble supporting her weight--there's some weakness on the right side but the cane is mostly because she has limited peripheral vision and balance.  She doesn't walk like a typical "cane user"--she primarily needs it to feel where the ground is and keep herself stable.

So sometimes she doesn't look like she needs it.

She can ride certain roller coasters, at least the ones with full neck support.  This strikes me as weird, but the doctor has officially cleared her for it--something about the force pushing her head back into the support makes it okay.

So at the amusement park several months ago she took a lonely roller coaster ride and felt VERY self-aware about it.  She got to go in the special line for disabled persons so she wouldn't have to stand too long and for some reason she and Graphics Magician were put on a train by themselves, while everybody else waiting for the line was watching.

And AW said she could actually feel the change in attitude of the crowd, when she had a great deal of difficulty getting in the ride car.  She's sensitive to what people think, and when you have a person who doesn't LOOK disabled, carrying a cane she doesn't really lean on and getting on a roller coaster, there may be some people who look a little askance at that.  I have to confess I might myself.

Trying to get in the car, though, showed up what she can and can't do; among other things she had to use both hands to physically lift her right leg into the car.  She felt a lot more compassion and sympathy coming from the onlookers after she did manage to get herself settled.

But she still doesn't know why the nice ride operators gave her and our son the ride to themselves.  We're sure they had their reasons.

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

Seeking The Right Things First

I don't really have a "life verse" in the sense of one Bible passage that I consider special to me.  But Adored Wife and I do come back to Matthew 6:33 pretty often: "Seek first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."

It's in the middle of a section where Jesus is talking about worry (hint: He's against it) and He concludes with this advice on where we ought to be placing our heart and our attention.

I kind of rewrite this, in my bumper-sticker-theology way, into "If we take care of God's business, God will take care of our business."

See, we have all kinds of things we COULD worry about:
1. Health
2. Finances
3. Family
4. Insurance
5. School
6. Relationships
7. Jobs
8. Immorality
9. Government
10. Commitments and obligations

But if we're focused instead on "what does God want me to do?" then we have this promise that He's GOING to take care of everything else.  Not to say that I shouldn't work or keep my finances in order or pay attention to my family--doing those things honorably can be a part of my service to God.  But my heart and my mind shouldn't be set on the "needs"--if we're putting God first, He's going to supply everything we need.

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

Upcoming Surgeries

Happy Friday, friends, and hoping everybody's well out there.

Today, in the adventures of our family, upcoming surgeries!

Adored Wife needs both hernia repair and carpal tunnel surgery.  According to the doctor the particular type of hernia she has is common in epileptics because the seizure activity stresses the area.  She has to wait until our insurance company gets its act together (and don't get me started on our insurance company; they're the cheapest act in town but they've had computer troubles, system troubles, bureaucracy issues and all manner of troubles) before that can be done, and that's difficult.

At this point she'll probably want to put off the surgery until after her play wraps up in April, but we haven't quite decided on that one.  The hernia's not an emergency and honestly there's no great rush on the carpal tunnel--it's uncomfortable but AW wants to be able to get through her show without having to worry about recovery.

And then there's me and the two teeth I have to get cut out by an oral surgeon.  A very nice dentist took some time to explain to me that getting them out was beyond the capabilities of his office.  Something about how close they are to the maxillary sinus cavity and how easily a simple extraction could turn into a really, really complicated situation in a hurry.  Also I've seen the X-rays and one of the teeth is impacted and almost below the gum line--getting in there with a pair of pliers probably isn't a real option.

So I get to go see an oral surgeon.  Whee.  Also we don't have any insurance that will apply so I'll have to pre-arrange some kind of payment plan or something.  I'll probably have to get something done about the dentistry pretty soon--the mouth is giving me a little trouble.

No worries, God's in control of this as well.  Monday I want to talk a little bit about worry and God's sovereignty.

Thanks for reading, hope everybody has a great weekend, and God bless.

Adored Wife Gets Ready to Direct

Adored Wife will be directing her first play ever coming up soon.  Auditions are in a few weeks and she's been heavily in all the pre-production stuff.  She's excited about it, and I'm excited for her.  She's been an actress, stage manager, producer, assistant director, and "food props coordinator" for numerous shows, but this is her first time at the helm.

There are a few adjustments she has to make, of course, to compensate for her various challenges:

1. She has to have a place she can stand up to run rehearsals.  The technical director has taken care of this by making sure there will be a standing bar in the rehearsal space.  AW can't sit down for any length of time--fifteen to twenty minutes is about her limit.  But with something to lean against she can stand for a good hour before she has to go lie down for awhile.

2. AW has face blindness (prosopagnosia).  With people she knows this isn't a big problem because she can tell by voice or hair color or body shape or some other distinguishing characteristic who it is. There will hopefully be some newcomers at auditions, and I'm going to be her assistant for that time period only to help her keep track of who is who.

3. She suffers from memory issues.  Not a problem--she simply writes everything down.  Of course there are lots of pieces of paper she has to keep up with but AW has remarkable organizational skills and is adept at that.

4. She has some vocal tics and anomic aphasia--conversation is sometimes difficult for her.  It's not a problem once you're accustomed to how she expresses herself.  She's going to solve this one by being very open with the auditionees and with the final cast and crew about the issue, and hopefully it won't make anyone feel awkward.

She's looking forward to it.

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

Doctors Are People, Too

As you may imagine, we deal with a lot of doctors and other health care professionals in our family. Any intimidation or awe I may have felt about them as a group went the way of the dinosaurs a long time ago.

Generally speaking most of the practitioners we've ever run across have been great.  Competent, skilled, compassionate, flawed, human and secure enough to be open about when they're not sure about a situation.  There have been mistakes made over the years, sure, but not that many.  Doctors are people, too.  Most of them we've had a wonderful experience with.

But there was that one guy......

Let me be fair, he was good at what he did.  And we were in a position where we needed that expertise, so I was happy to have him and would probably be happy to have him again if we were geographically anywhere close.  He did good work for us and he was both hardworking and conscientious.

But oh boy, what a jerk.  Let me put it this way--he needed two consulting rooms, one for him and one for his ego.  He was good, he knew he was good, and he wanted to make sure everybody else knew he was good--God's gift to the medical practice sort of thing.  You didn't question him, you didn't disagree with him, and you didn't disobey him--if you did you got subjected to a polite but condescending and belittling lecture.  He drove me up a wall.

He was by far the exception, though.  Generally we've had excellent relationships with our health care people and I'm glad for the skill and wisdom God has given them.

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.