Social Hurricane suffers from hallucinations, visual, auditory, AND tactile. The antipsychotic medication that calms them down has unpleasant side effects and she'd rather deal with the monsters. Sometimes they're not too bad.
She wrote this the other day while snowbound and I'm sharing it with her permission:
I look out onto the snowy lot and see them dancing.
I know they are not real because their footprints don't last or sometimes don't even show.
Some of the figures I see don't even touch the ground as they dance and fly about.
I feel something pushing me to go outside but I don't look back to see who because I know it's not real.
I can hear laughter and singing but I turn away no matter how tempting it is because I sense the danger of the beautiful figures.
Welcome to life in my daughter's mind.
Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.
Friday, January 29, 2016
Wednesday, January 27, 2016
Bipolar Cabin Fever
As I write this we've been snowbound for a day or two, along with lots of friends, family, and neighbors. We're fine--plenty of food, plenty of firewood, and so far no troubles with power or phone service.
Social Hurricane isn't with us, and that's probably a good thing, because she gets cabin fever in a bad way. When her bipolar disorder first reared its ugly head, she'd go out walking for hours at a time. We discovered this is actually pretty common; the actor Stephen Fry said in an interview that he'd struggled with the condition for years, and that one of the ways he coped with it was by going for very long walks.
Combine that with being a full out extrovert, and the Hurricane hates staying home for any great length of time. If she'd been cooped up in the house she'd have been going nuts (and, I selfishly admit, she'd have been driving the rest of us nuts as well.) She's currently staying with a friend/co-worker and his wife and their baby, by invitation. He lives closer to where she works than we do; she was invited to spend the night there before the snowstorm came through so they'd have an easier time getting to work in the morning.
So she's currently kind of stuck at his house. But she gets along well with him and his wife so she's okay. It's a different environment so she feels a little less "stuck at home." And she helps with housework so they don't appear to mind having her for a day or two, although I expect everybody's going to be relieved tomorrow when the roads are supposed to be passable again and everybody can get where they need to be.
So, yeah, Adored Wife and Basement Artist and I are fine, and Graphics Magician has neighbor kids to play with and likes a few days off school, so it's all good. And SH has said it's probably easier for her to deal with being stuck at a friend's house rather than stuck at home. And we think we agree.
Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.
Social Hurricane isn't with us, and that's probably a good thing, because she gets cabin fever in a bad way. When her bipolar disorder first reared its ugly head, she'd go out walking for hours at a time. We discovered this is actually pretty common; the actor Stephen Fry said in an interview that he'd struggled with the condition for years, and that one of the ways he coped with it was by going for very long walks.
Combine that with being a full out extrovert, and the Hurricane hates staying home for any great length of time. If she'd been cooped up in the house she'd have been going nuts (and, I selfishly admit, she'd have been driving the rest of us nuts as well.) She's currently staying with a friend/co-worker and his wife and their baby, by invitation. He lives closer to where she works than we do; she was invited to spend the night there before the snowstorm came through so they'd have an easier time getting to work in the morning.
So she's currently kind of stuck at his house. But she gets along well with him and his wife so she's okay. It's a different environment so she feels a little less "stuck at home." And she helps with housework so they don't appear to mind having her for a day or two, although I expect everybody's going to be relieved tomorrow when the roads are supposed to be passable again and everybody can get where they need to be.
So, yeah, Adored Wife and Basement Artist and I are fine, and Graphics Magician has neighbor kids to play with and likes a few days off school, so it's all good. And SH has said it's probably easier for her to deal with being stuck at a friend's house rather than stuck at home. And we think we agree.
Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.
Monday, January 25, 2016
Basement Artist Says "Hi"
Hi, this is Basement Artist, doing a guest blog, which I've only been asked to do like five minutes earlier and I've only just started my first cup of coffee. I think it wasn't even five minutes.
I'm part of the family and I'll be doing occasional blogs. Hopefully I'll be much more awake for the next ones. My father is a morning person. I, not so much. My "not normal" qualifications are introversion, social anxiety, life anxiety, insecurity, problems with my voice, asthma, and repetitive fantasies of taking over the world. On the plus side everyone else says I'm a very good artist, I can play the piano by ear, and my mother and fiance and everyone else says I'm adorable. (My fiance is proof that you can find anything on the internet.)
I work in a restaurant as a prep cook. It is infinitely more enjoyable than my last job sorting clothes hangars. I have a forestry technician's degree that I haven't actually properly used yet (except for chainsaw work) and I've spent a lot of time taking care of my little brother and the household for various reasons. I am active in my church and like to help with one of the children's classes, I am expert at working the photocopier and I work with media and audiovisual during worship. I've been to Montreal to visit my Canadian fiance and I'm currently learning to speak French.
Number one about being an introvert is that you're not used to talking about yourself. You are not inclined to go out of the house at all, and maintaining a social life is actually a bit like checking off a chore list. I genuinely like people but it takes an effort to socialize (but the effort is worth it.)
I'll talk to you more later if I can fit it on the list and if I've had a second cup of coffee. Thanks for reading.
I'm part of the family and I'll be doing occasional blogs. Hopefully I'll be much more awake for the next ones. My father is a morning person. I, not so much. My "not normal" qualifications are introversion, social anxiety, life anxiety, insecurity, problems with my voice, asthma, and repetitive fantasies of taking over the world. On the plus side everyone else says I'm a very good artist, I can play the piano by ear, and my mother and fiance and everyone else says I'm adorable. (My fiance is proof that you can find anything on the internet.)
I work in a restaurant as a prep cook. It is infinitely more enjoyable than my last job sorting clothes hangars. I have a forestry technician's degree that I haven't actually properly used yet (except for chainsaw work) and I've spent a lot of time taking care of my little brother and the household for various reasons. I am active in my church and like to help with one of the children's classes, I am expert at working the photocopier and I work with media and audiovisual during worship. I've been to Montreal to visit my Canadian fiance and I'm currently learning to speak French.
Number one about being an introvert is that you're not used to talking about yourself. You are not inclined to go out of the house at all, and maintaining a social life is actually a bit like checking off a chore list. I genuinely like people but it takes an effort to socialize (but the effort is worth it.)
I'll talk to you more later if I can fit it on the list and if I've had a second cup of coffee. Thanks for reading.
Friday, January 22, 2016
Hanging Around Hospitals
Sometimes we've caught people, particularly health care professionals, off guard with our knowledge of medical vocabulary. I remember one time I was talking to a nurse and referred to going on a "course of anticoagulants." She assumed I was in health care because your typical layman would have said "the doctor put me on blood thinners."
None of us are medical people; we just hang around hospitals a lot. This doesn't make me an expert by a long stretch and in fact my brother, who IS a hospital nurse, will occasionally throw some vocab word at me just to keep me guessing. I did look up "titration," though, because he uses it a lot to describe his job. He spends considerable time titrating.
But I've been a vocational minister for twentysomething years and have done a lot of hospital calls, and both Adored Wife and Social Hurricane have spent significant amounts of time in the hospital themselves. You pick things up.
Things I know about hospitals:
1. Hurry up and wait.
2. You can always tell a hospital administrator--they're the ones wearing professional business clothes and tennis shoes. (These good folks walk a lot.)
3. Most people who work in hospitals are happy to help you with quick things but they don't have time to stand around talking to you.
4. There are plenty of opportunities to wash your hands. Use them.
5. If the people in the waiting room look happy and tired, somebody's expecting a baby. Otherwise, nobody's happy to be there.
6. Following along with that, if you find yourself in the waiting room and you have an opportunity to show some compassion to someone else, take it. They can use it.
7. The doctors, nurses, and staff are almost always busy with important things. They don't mean to make you wait, but they've got things that have to get done. I suppose there may be a few lazy ones here and there, but they're in the very tiny minority.
8. If a member of the hospital staff seems grouchy, chances are good that they're just exhausted. Be kind.
9. Hospital food varies widely in quality from place to place. Some of it's actually pretty good.
10. The people who designed the signage usually did so with the idea that the people reading it would be calm, well-rested, and coherent. This is isn't typically the case.
11. If you're lost, ask for help. The hospital staff have seen lost people before.
Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.
None of us are medical people; we just hang around hospitals a lot. This doesn't make me an expert by a long stretch and in fact my brother, who IS a hospital nurse, will occasionally throw some vocab word at me just to keep me guessing. I did look up "titration," though, because he uses it a lot to describe his job. He spends considerable time titrating.
But I've been a vocational minister for twentysomething years and have done a lot of hospital calls, and both Adored Wife and Social Hurricane have spent significant amounts of time in the hospital themselves. You pick things up.
Things I know about hospitals:
1. Hurry up and wait.
2. You can always tell a hospital administrator--they're the ones wearing professional business clothes and tennis shoes. (These good folks walk a lot.)
3. Most people who work in hospitals are happy to help you with quick things but they don't have time to stand around talking to you.
4. There are plenty of opportunities to wash your hands. Use them.
5. If the people in the waiting room look happy and tired, somebody's expecting a baby. Otherwise, nobody's happy to be there.
6. Following along with that, if you find yourself in the waiting room and you have an opportunity to show some compassion to someone else, take it. They can use it.
7. The doctors, nurses, and staff are almost always busy with important things. They don't mean to make you wait, but they've got things that have to get done. I suppose there may be a few lazy ones here and there, but they're in the very tiny minority.
8. If a member of the hospital staff seems grouchy, chances are good that they're just exhausted. Be kind.
9. Hospital food varies widely in quality from place to place. Some of it's actually pretty good.
10. The people who designed the signage usually did so with the idea that the people reading it would be calm, well-rested, and coherent. This is isn't typically the case.
11. If you're lost, ask for help. The hospital staff have seen lost people before.
Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.
Wednesday, January 20, 2016
Our Family Does Theater
This isn't actually a "how we cope with illnesses" post. I'd like to get to know you and your family, and part of that is introducing my family to yours. There are a couple of things that factor large in our lives, and one of them is community theater.
We're huge into theater, and have been for years. Basement Artist isn't really into getting on stage, but she's spent plenty of time in the tech booth running lights. Social Hurricane has acted in several plays and musicals and has done lots of set-building duty here and there. Graphics Magician actually got started on the "magician" path from a friend we know through the theater, and is already a budding performer in many respects, plus he's helped out in the light booth himself. All three kids get drafted by Adored Wife to do HER various theater activities.
Adored Wife is hugely into community theater, far more in the administrative side than I've ever been. She's been social chair, volunteer coordinator, concessions coordinator, and facilities manager. On the artistic side she's acted, stage managed, assistant directed, and she's directing her first show coming up. Her various physical and neurological problems slow her down but don't stop her, and she tends to shanghai the family (that's us) for the heavy lifting she can't do.
Then there's me. I act, I help build sets, I've done lighting design and stage managing, and I tend to be high on the list of people they call when there's heavy lifting to do. I've been asked to be the master of ceremonies at two different award shows and I've been a presenter on other occasions.
And a lot of our social lives revolve around the theater--it really is a community and a family (and I get most of my witnessing opportunities through it.) You'll be hearing more about the theater as we go along--it's an important part of who we are as a family.
Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.
We're huge into theater, and have been for years. Basement Artist isn't really into getting on stage, but she's spent plenty of time in the tech booth running lights. Social Hurricane has acted in several plays and musicals and has done lots of set-building duty here and there. Graphics Magician actually got started on the "magician" path from a friend we know through the theater, and is already a budding performer in many respects, plus he's helped out in the light booth himself. All three kids get drafted by Adored Wife to do HER various theater activities.
Adored Wife is hugely into community theater, far more in the administrative side than I've ever been. She's been social chair, volunteer coordinator, concessions coordinator, and facilities manager. On the artistic side she's acted, stage managed, assistant directed, and she's directing her first show coming up. Her various physical and neurological problems slow her down but don't stop her, and she tends to shanghai the family (that's us) for the heavy lifting she can't do.
Then there's me. I act, I help build sets, I've done lighting design and stage managing, and I tend to be high on the list of people they call when there's heavy lifting to do. I've been asked to be the master of ceremonies at two different award shows and I've been a presenter on other occasions.
And a lot of our social lives revolve around the theater--it really is a community and a family (and I get most of my witnessing opportunities through it.) You'll be hearing more about the theater as we go along--it's an important part of who we are as a family.
Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.
Monday, January 18, 2016
The Uncertain Mornings
What do your mornings look like?
I'm a generally physically healthy morning person. I usually wake up well, tolerably well rested, and with nothing hurting. I'm not at my best until I've had my shower and breakfast but I'm pretty functional when my feet hit the floor.
We have a friend with multiple sclerosis. It's "mild" as such things go. She actually enjoys lots of good days when she's feeling pretty capable physically and can do plenty of active things. But every morning of her life she has to do inventory when she wakes up: "Can I move my feet, is there strength in my hands, will my legs support my weight, is my voice working?" Most mornings the answer is yes but some mornings it isn't, and that's the start of an awkward day. She can't take waking up healthy for granted; she has to check over herself before she dares to get up and move.
Another friend has chronic respiratory and circulatory issues and other troubles. She sleeps in a hospital bed so she can keep her head and her feet elevated and the first thing she has to do when she wakes up is to get a fresh oxygen tank. After that, she gets herself moving slowly and heads to the kitchen for coffee. With plenty of oxygen and a few cups of joe she's ready to face the day.
Another friend has severe spinal bifida. His mornings are pretty dependable--he actually wakes up feeling pretty well and then carefully uses his arms to get into his powered wheelchair and to the bathroom to tend to personal needs. Apparently that's a complicated process and it takes him awhile to get things taken care of; he's never shared with me the details. After breakfast he's ready to motor out to his customized van to drive to work.
Adored Wife never knows HOW she's going to wake up. Good mornings, she's slept well and woken up relatively pain-free. ("Two" on the "one to ten" pain scale is a good morning.) On bad days she might not have slept well the night before and might wake up with muscles spasms, nerve pain, and anxiety attacks. (Rarely all at once.) However the morning starts off, she makes whatever accommodations are needed (extra stretching, extra meds) and then gets ready to face her day.
When I go to bed I pretty confidently expect to wake up well and healthy and capable. Lots of people I know unfortunately can't.
Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.
I'm a generally physically healthy morning person. I usually wake up well, tolerably well rested, and with nothing hurting. I'm not at my best until I've had my shower and breakfast but I'm pretty functional when my feet hit the floor.
We have a friend with multiple sclerosis. It's "mild" as such things go. She actually enjoys lots of good days when she's feeling pretty capable physically and can do plenty of active things. But every morning of her life she has to do inventory when she wakes up: "Can I move my feet, is there strength in my hands, will my legs support my weight, is my voice working?" Most mornings the answer is yes but some mornings it isn't, and that's the start of an awkward day. She can't take waking up healthy for granted; she has to check over herself before she dares to get up and move.
Another friend has chronic respiratory and circulatory issues and other troubles. She sleeps in a hospital bed so she can keep her head and her feet elevated and the first thing she has to do when she wakes up is to get a fresh oxygen tank. After that, she gets herself moving slowly and heads to the kitchen for coffee. With plenty of oxygen and a few cups of joe she's ready to face the day.
Another friend has severe spinal bifida. His mornings are pretty dependable--he actually wakes up feeling pretty well and then carefully uses his arms to get into his powered wheelchair and to the bathroom to tend to personal needs. Apparently that's a complicated process and it takes him awhile to get things taken care of; he's never shared with me the details. After breakfast he's ready to motor out to his customized van to drive to work.
Adored Wife never knows HOW she's going to wake up. Good mornings, she's slept well and woken up relatively pain-free. ("Two" on the "one to ten" pain scale is a good morning.) On bad days she might not have slept well the night before and might wake up with muscles spasms, nerve pain, and anxiety attacks. (Rarely all at once.) However the morning starts off, she makes whatever accommodations are needed (extra stretching, extra meds) and then gets ready to face her day.
When I go to bed I pretty confidently expect to wake up well and healthy and capable. Lots of people I know unfortunately can't.
Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.
Friday, January 15, 2016
Normal Is What You Grow Up With
One of the main things I'm hoping to cover with this blog, and one I hope to get my kids involved with, is what it's like to grow up in a household with the particular issues we deal with. They won't look like your issues--you have your own set of abnormalities with which to contend. See, "normal" is what you grow up with. I have a twin brother, and people always used to ask me what it was like to have a twin. I really never knew how to answer the question--I mean, what's it like growing up without one? It's just what my family looked like. We were a second family to a divorced father and a widowed mother and we had several significantly older half-brothers, lots of nephews and nieces, and our parents weren't as young as most of our friends' and they didn't honestly get along all that well.
And that was normal for us. It was a little surprising when I was old enough to really intelligently observe other people's families and find out that NOT everybody worked like that. And most families don't operate like the one in which I find myself. With the chronic health and circumstantial issues we deal with, my kids' definition of "normal" is a little different than most people's. For instance, one of Social Hurricane's first words was "seizure," and THAT just doesn't happen often. We're definitely a little on the weird side.
But then again, I've never met anybody with a completely normal family, and I'm not entirely sure one exists. Social Hurricane is a little rare in her friends' circle because Adored Wife and I are still married and living together and she only lives in one place and she doesn't have any stepbrothers or sisters. Basement Artist and Graphics Magician could say the same thing--in many ways we do have a "normal" situation compared to some people we know. The nuclear family is increasingly an oddity in our culture. In our neighborhood there are blended families and adoptive families and single parents and one young lady we know of who lives with her aunt and uncle. "Normal" is all over the map in our community.
But take heart, friends. We're all a little abnormal together, and we're here for each other.
God bless.
And that was normal for us. It was a little surprising when I was old enough to really intelligently observe other people's families and find out that NOT everybody worked like that. And most families don't operate like the one in which I find myself. With the chronic health and circumstantial issues we deal with, my kids' definition of "normal" is a little different than most people's. For instance, one of Social Hurricane's first words was "seizure," and THAT just doesn't happen often. We're definitely a little on the weird side.
But then again, I've never met anybody with a completely normal family, and I'm not entirely sure one exists. Social Hurricane is a little rare in her friends' circle because Adored Wife and I are still married and living together and she only lives in one place and she doesn't have any stepbrothers or sisters. Basement Artist and Graphics Magician could say the same thing--in many ways we do have a "normal" situation compared to some people we know. The nuclear family is increasingly an oddity in our culture. In our neighborhood there are blended families and adoptive families and single parents and one young lady we know of who lives with her aunt and uncle. "Normal" is all over the map in our community.
But take heart, friends. We're all a little abnormal together, and we're here for each other.
God bless.
Wednesday, January 13, 2016
Adored Wife Researches
I've been a blogger for years but this particular blog is a bit of a new toy. Interestingly enough, Adored Wife, who is NOT an experienced blogger, is getting in on the act with this one.
I've been writing about the anxiety and other issues she's been dealing with, and this has motivated her to do some research and checking around on exactly what it is she suffers from so she can keep me from feeding you misinformation. For instance, she's been looking up the difference between anxiety disorders and panic attacks. She knows she has this stuff, certainly, but if she's going to share in her struggles she wants to make sure she has the terminology correct so that we're all on the same page here.
I keep hoping I'm going to get her to write an actual guest blog. I maintained a site called minimumwagewisdom.com for three and a half years (it's still up if you want to take a look at it) and I never got her to contribute anything to it. Maybe this one will spark her interest. It'd be great if it would--I can tell you about dealing with depression, but when it comes to coping with anxiety, epilepsy, chronic nerve pain, memory troubles, anomic aphasia, face blindness, or balance trouble, Adored Wife is your woman.
Plus she's facing hernia repair and carpal tunnel surgery coming up, whee.
But, yeah, she's doing some homework. I'll keep you posted when she comes up with anything.
God bless, friends.
I've been writing about the anxiety and other issues she's been dealing with, and this has motivated her to do some research and checking around on exactly what it is she suffers from so she can keep me from feeding you misinformation. For instance, she's been looking up the difference between anxiety disorders and panic attacks. She knows she has this stuff, certainly, but if she's going to share in her struggles she wants to make sure she has the terminology correct so that we're all on the same page here.
I keep hoping I'm going to get her to write an actual guest blog. I maintained a site called minimumwagewisdom.com for three and a half years (it's still up if you want to take a look at it) and I never got her to contribute anything to it. Maybe this one will spark her interest. It'd be great if it would--I can tell you about dealing with depression, but when it comes to coping with anxiety, epilepsy, chronic nerve pain, memory troubles, anomic aphasia, face blindness, or balance trouble, Adored Wife is your woman.
Plus she's facing hernia repair and carpal tunnel surgery coming up, whee.
But, yeah, she's doing some homework. I'll keep you posted when she comes up with anything.
God bless, friends.
Monday, January 11, 2016
What We're Doing Right Now
It's not always weird around my house. As I write this, it's Sunday evening, and we're engaged in relatively normal activities. Most of us did church this morning (Social Hurricane isn't big into church but she was working first shift in the nursing home kitchen anyway), and we've had a low key afternoon. Adored Wife and I got out and did a little shopping and had a milkshake together.
We've done some chores--laundry and dishes and cleaning. Graphics Magician played with some neighbor boys, and the cat has mostly just slept. I read a book for awhile and played a few logic puzzles online, and Basement Artist and I fixed the treadmill. (The drive belt had come loose--it would have been a pretty simple fix if I hadn't broken the bolt the first time I tried to repair it.)
At the moment GM is playing a video game downstairs and BA is using the treadmill and watching him. They forgot my injunction that you can't run the space heater and the treadmill at the same time. Hopefully they'll remember next time--GM lost some of his saved data when the power tripped but he's philosophical about it.
Social Hurricane is taking a shower and Adored Wife is making soup. Soon we'll eat it, yay!
We probably ought to take down the Christmas tree....
Hope all is well out there, friends, and God bless.
We've done some chores--laundry and dishes and cleaning. Graphics Magician played with some neighbor boys, and the cat has mostly just slept. I read a book for awhile and played a few logic puzzles online, and Basement Artist and I fixed the treadmill. (The drive belt had come loose--it would have been a pretty simple fix if I hadn't broken the bolt the first time I tried to repair it.)
At the moment GM is playing a video game downstairs and BA is using the treadmill and watching him. They forgot my injunction that you can't run the space heater and the treadmill at the same time. Hopefully they'll remember next time--GM lost some of his saved data when the power tripped but he's philosophical about it.
Social Hurricane is taking a shower and Adored Wife is making soup. Soon we'll eat it, yay!
We probably ought to take down the Christmas tree....
Hope all is well out there, friends, and God bless.
Friday, January 8, 2016
Squirrel-Caging
Adored Wife, as has been mentioned, deals with anxiety issues. Often this is free-floating, with no particular focus--she's not edgy about anything in particular, she's just twitchy in general. It's usually a bad idea to sneak up behind her and shout "boo" when this is going on. Trust me on this.
Sometimes, though, the anxiety will have a focus, because we have had stressful things going on here and there. Sometimes it's a rational focus--some people problem at school or family or church or what have you. Sometimes it's something that hasn't happened but might--one of the girls getting in a car accident or some such.
Whatever the situation, real or hypothetical, sometimes AW will get something stuck in her head and she can't stop worrying about it. We call this "squirrel caging" (or hamster-wheeling) because the problem is just running around and around in her head and going nowhere.
It's not fun, either for AW or for anybody around her, because when she's squirrel-caging she's always just this side of a full-bore panic attack. And they can last for hours.
How she approaches the matter
1. She realizes that the problem is not the problem; the anxiety is. We call this sort of thing "metacognition," thinking about thinking, and we use it a lot. She accepts that whatever she's stressing about normally wouldn't be bothering her anywhere nearly this much--it's her brain chemistry that is letting her down. She chooses not to trust her feelings.
2. She prays about the matter and if possible takes some coherent action steps to address it--to compartmentalize whatever the problem is and bring some sense of order and management to it.
3. She distracts herself by doing chores or reading or playing games or exercising; deliberately forcing her brain to focus on something else.
4. If it's really bad she'll take one of the "rescue drugs" her doctor has given her for just such emergencies. Those tend to make her really sleepy, though, so she doesn't like to if she doesn't have to.
None of these will make the anxiety magically go away, of course, but they can bring it to bearable levels until it settles down on it's own. It's not easy being Adored Wife (but being married to such a great guy as me is probably partial compensation.)
Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.
Sometimes, though, the anxiety will have a focus, because we have had stressful things going on here and there. Sometimes it's a rational focus--some people problem at school or family or church or what have you. Sometimes it's something that hasn't happened but might--one of the girls getting in a car accident or some such.
Whatever the situation, real or hypothetical, sometimes AW will get something stuck in her head and she can't stop worrying about it. We call this "squirrel caging" (or hamster-wheeling) because the problem is just running around and around in her head and going nowhere.
It's not fun, either for AW or for anybody around her, because when she's squirrel-caging she's always just this side of a full-bore panic attack. And they can last for hours.
How she approaches the matter
1. She realizes that the problem is not the problem; the anxiety is. We call this sort of thing "metacognition," thinking about thinking, and we use it a lot. She accepts that whatever she's stressing about normally wouldn't be bothering her anywhere nearly this much--it's her brain chemistry that is letting her down. She chooses not to trust her feelings.
2. She prays about the matter and if possible takes some coherent action steps to address it--to compartmentalize whatever the problem is and bring some sense of order and management to it.
3. She distracts herself by doing chores or reading or playing games or exercising; deliberately forcing her brain to focus on something else.
4. If it's really bad she'll take one of the "rescue drugs" her doctor has given her for just such emergencies. Those tend to make her really sleepy, though, so she doesn't like to if she doesn't have to.
None of these will make the anxiety magically go away, of course, but they can bring it to bearable levels until it settles down on it's own. It's not easy being Adored Wife (but being married to such a great guy as me is probably partial compensation.)
Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
Paying The Doctors
Every so often I worry about money. I'm not supposed to worry about anything, I know this. Cast all your cares upon the Lord, and so forth, and when I catch myself worrying I try to divert to praising and praying and it usually works. And I'm not complaining--God's pulled off some major financial miracles over the years and there are people who have helped us out very generously in the past and would do so again if I only asked. And I have a roof over my head and plenty to eat and some very nice possessions and there are a lot of people who can't say that, so.....
You know, this was supposed to be a post about medical bills, of which we have our fair share, and it's turning into a post about how God has taken care of me. And that's okay.
But yes, medical bills. We're very happy to have health insurance but we've had insurance snafus galore over the years and are still dealing with a few. Adored Wife can do lots of things but probably ought to be on at least partial disability and that process has stalled out. I don't make a huge amount of money doing what I do and what with one thing and another we're paying over three hundred dollars a month in doctor bills and medication not counting health insurance premiums. (It would be way more than that if insurance wasn't covering most of it.) And we're currently running around and around with a facility that wants us to pay several thousand dollars for something I honestly don't know whether or not we're legally responsible for. I can't comment on that one but I'm not making payment arrangements until they come up with more substantiation than they have.
So, you know, I spend a fair amount of time and energy juggling finances. And being tempted to worry about them.
Whew, deep breath. Sorry for the rant. Sometimes I just need to get it out. But it's okay, God has and will continue to take care of things if we just follow Him. Matthew 6:33, seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you.
Thanks for listening to me vent a little, friends. Hope all's well out there, and God bless.
You know, this was supposed to be a post about medical bills, of which we have our fair share, and it's turning into a post about how God has taken care of me. And that's okay.
But yes, medical bills. We're very happy to have health insurance but we've had insurance snafus galore over the years and are still dealing with a few. Adored Wife can do lots of things but probably ought to be on at least partial disability and that process has stalled out. I don't make a huge amount of money doing what I do and what with one thing and another we're paying over three hundred dollars a month in doctor bills and medication not counting health insurance premiums. (It would be way more than that if insurance wasn't covering most of it.) And we're currently running around and around with a facility that wants us to pay several thousand dollars for something I honestly don't know whether or not we're legally responsible for. I can't comment on that one but I'm not making payment arrangements until they come up with more substantiation than they have.
So, you know, I spend a fair amount of time and energy juggling finances. And being tempted to worry about them.
Whew, deep breath. Sorry for the rant. Sometimes I just need to get it out. But it's okay, God has and will continue to take care of things if we just follow Him. Matthew 6:33, seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you.
Thanks for listening to me vent a little, friends. Hope all's well out there, and God bless.
Monday, January 4, 2016
Basement Artist Faces the World
Last week I said I'd talk about some ways Basement Artist deals with her insecurities. I suppose we all cope with our various weirdnesses in our own ways--the first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one. So I deal with depression by not trusting how I feel, Social Hurricane combats the monsters in the closet by putting down salt, Adored Wife deals with her multiple issues by laughing at them, making adjustments, and bulling through on sheer stubbornness.
And Basement Artist faces the world.
She's fundamentally insecure and she knows it. We've talked about the potential whys and wherefores, but knowing why you're inclined to be shy and hesitant doesn't always help. But it's still good to be able to say "I'm being timid, and I don't have to be."
And so BA makes herself go talk to people and interact and do things. She's involved in church, in theater, at work, in social outings with friends. If she had her preferences no doubt she'd spend her life in her room with coffee maker, sketchpad, and the internet (with occasional wilderness excursions when she wanted some exercise) but she chooses to get out there and go.
Step one. Identify the problem.
Step two. Deal with it head-on.
Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.
And Basement Artist faces the world.
She's fundamentally insecure and she knows it. We've talked about the potential whys and wherefores, but knowing why you're inclined to be shy and hesitant doesn't always help. But it's still good to be able to say "I'm being timid, and I don't have to be."
And so BA makes herself go talk to people and interact and do things. She's involved in church, in theater, at work, in social outings with friends. If she had her preferences no doubt she'd spend her life in her room with coffee maker, sketchpad, and the internet (with occasional wilderness excursions when she wanted some exercise) but she chooses to get out there and go.
Step one. Identify the problem.
Step two. Deal with it head-on.
Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.
Friday, January 1, 2016
The Difference in the Daughters
Happy New Year, friends, and may this year bring you happiness, purpose, and a greater closeness to God.
Let me tell you a seventeen year old story that illustrates the differences between my two daughters and highlights a little bit the insecurity issues Basement Artist has dealt with her whole life.
Adored Wife's epilepsy was uncontrolled for several years when the girls were small and she didn't have driving privileges so I did most of the errands, including dropping the girls off at preschool (although we did carpool with some other families.) Dropping Basement Artist off looked like this--she would cling tightly to me as I carried her in, where I would deposit her in the lap of Miss Julie, one of the teachers. BA would wail for me and try to get away from the nice lady and get back to me as I walked out the door. As reported to me later she would then cry for a few minutes, then decide to go play.
This happened for about the first two weeks of preschool until she got used to the place. Miss Julie got quite a forearm workout.
Two years later when it was time for Social Hurricane to go to preschool, I barely got the car in park before she was out and running for the door, calling "bye" over her shoulder. There were new friends to be made in there and new adventures to be had, and the Hurricane was going for it.
And, while obviously she's gotten better, Basement Artist is still uneasy about new situations and new people. Next post I'll tell you about some of her coping mechanisms.
God bless, friends.
Let me tell you a seventeen year old story that illustrates the differences between my two daughters and highlights a little bit the insecurity issues Basement Artist has dealt with her whole life.
Adored Wife's epilepsy was uncontrolled for several years when the girls were small and she didn't have driving privileges so I did most of the errands, including dropping the girls off at preschool (although we did carpool with some other families.) Dropping Basement Artist off looked like this--she would cling tightly to me as I carried her in, where I would deposit her in the lap of Miss Julie, one of the teachers. BA would wail for me and try to get away from the nice lady and get back to me as I walked out the door. As reported to me later she would then cry for a few minutes, then decide to go play.
This happened for about the first two weeks of preschool until she got used to the place. Miss Julie got quite a forearm workout.
Two years later when it was time for Social Hurricane to go to preschool, I barely got the car in park before she was out and running for the door, calling "bye" over her shoulder. There were new friends to be made in there and new adventures to be had, and the Hurricane was going for it.
And, while obviously she's gotten better, Basement Artist is still uneasy about new situations and new people. Next post I'll tell you about some of her coping mechanisms.
God bless, friends.
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