A Father Has to Apologize

So, God laid on my heart that I needed to give a real apology to Social Hurricane.

A lot of the troubles started a few years ago when her bipolar disorder was first kicking in.  We didn't know what was happening at the time; we thought she was just going through an exceptionally rebellious period.

And we had one bad night--she went for a walk, and walked for hours.  That's very common with bipolar--sometimes you just have to get out and move.  We found her bed empty, called around to her friends, called the police, the whole nine yards.  We were panicking, let's give us that.

And, when she did check in, I blew up at her.

That was a bad idea.  Granted her actions weren't well thought out, but she was confused and her brain was betraying her and she wasn't thinking clearly.  All she knew was that she had to get out.  Plus, she was the teenager and I was the mature, wise, middle-aged father.  What I should have done was try to listen, try to understand.  I shouldn't have let my anger get the better of me.  She didn't mean any harm.  She didn't mean to worry us.

And rather than help the situation, I drove her away.  Maybe if I'd reacted with a little more compassion, things would have turned out a lot differently.  It was the start of a very difficult time in our family life.

So the other night I had a long talk with her, and I apologized, and asked her to forgive me.  And she was very gracious about it, and told me she did forgive me.  And then we got a soda and talked about superheroes and went for a walk.

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

Basement Artist Gets A Life

Basement Artist is as much of an introvert as I am, without my extra couple of decades of accommodation mechanisms.

It's come as a great surprise to her that she seems to have acquired a life.

Okay, so fair enough, she's a young adult living in her parents' basement.  But she also has a steady job that she enjoys and is good at, she pays rent, she's engaged to a great guy from Montreal, Canada, and she's travelling up to see him next month.  This time next year she'll be married and living in Canada if all goes well.  (Her father expects to miss her a lot and plans to cry like a baby.)

She's creative, and writes and draws and edits very well and is brushing up on her piano skills and learning French.  (She's going to need it.)  She has an associate's degree in Forestry and is proficient with a chainsaw.  She's involved in her church's media and Sunday School ministries.  She has a lot going for her.

But what has really come as a shock to the introvert is that she has in the last several months acquired lots of friends and an active social life.  Between church, work, and neighborhood she has all kinds of connections, meets weekly with her small group for Bible study and fellowship, and frequently has coffee and ice cream dates with girlfriends.  (For obvious geographic regions she doesn't get together with the fiancé as much as either one of them would like.)

I'll be honest--a couple of years ago when we were talking about an upcoming wedding we were concerned because she didn't have any close friends her age.  Who was she going to ask to be a bridesmaid?  Now, it's the opposite problem--we're going to have to limit the number of attendants and she's going to have a hard time making the selection.

Of course, she is still an introvert, and will still have times when she needs to go in her room and close the door for a few hours because she's all peopled out, but I totally get that.  But even so, good job, Basement Artist.  I'm delighted to see you blossom, and I'm very proud of the young woman you're becoming.

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

My Dad's Birthday

It's my father's eighty-ninth birthday today.  I'd like to wish him a very happy day.

He'll never see this or know about it unless somebody tells him--he's heard about the internet but doesn't have any particular interest in using it.  My older brother lives with him and Daddy relies on him for any computer stuff that needs doing.

He does have a cellphone, which he likes.  And he really enjoys the buttons and gadgets in his car.  And the television remote control is the greatest invention in the history of the world.  Other than that, he's not all that interested in technology.

He's a little surprised he's lived this long.  As he's fond of saying "I'm not sure what age you get to be an old man.  But I'm pretty sure I've got there."  For an elderly man with heart trouble, balance issues, high blood pressure, circulatory problems, hearing loss, palsy and arthritis he's actually doing pretty well.  He also says "I don't feel like doing anything, but that's the beauty of it.  I don't have to."

I quote him a lot, probably more than I'm aware.  He's wise, clever, and funny, and he's had many adventures and stories from his long life.  He can be garrulous and inquisitive, but I think a lot of that is deliberate because he knows he can get away with it.  A man has to have a hobby.

I don't know how much longer we're going to have him--we've had a few scares here and there, some of them quite recent.  I treasure the time we do have with him and I know it's not going to be that many more years before we bid him farewell to his heavenly home.  I owe the old man a lot, and I'm very aware that much of the man I am is due to him.

Happy birthday, Daddy.  I love you.

Adored Wife's Surgery

As if Adored Wife didn't have enough to put up with, she's facing hernia repair surgery coming up.  She jokes that she's hitting middle age and completely falling apart.

It should be relatively straightforward, and our health insurance is currently good--we've met our deductible for the year and there won't be any out-of-pocket expenses.

She's a little worried about anesthesia and is trying to get it done with a spinal block so she can stay awake--the last time she went under she wound up having some seizure activity so we'd rather avoid that.

But it's a fairly small muscle separation as these things go, and the doctor said recovery should be fairly easy--a day or two of bed rest, a pretty sore week and then she ought to feel much better.

We appreciate your prayers, though--our past experience suggests that when things are supposed to have been simple they often turn out not to be.  It'd be nice to have something where the doctor's optimistic predictions turn out to be right.

I'll keep you posted.

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

House of Chaos and Mayhem, May I Help You?

Happy almost-birthday to Graphics Magician, who turns thirteen in a few days.

Social Hurricane actually started this running gag in our household, and I wish I'd thought of it.

It was a few months ago, I was out and I called home for some reason.  SH saw it was me on the caller ID (at least I hope she did) and she answered "House of Chaos and Mayhem, may I help you?"

And it caught me off guard and I laughed.  It actually describes our family pretty well.

So the NEXT time it happened and she answered "House of Chaos and Mayhem, may I help you?" I was ready and I asked if I could speak to Mrs. Mayhem.

And she gave the phone to Adored Wife.

Now Graphics Magician is starting to get in on the act.  He answered the phone yesterday with "House of Chaos and Mayhem, this is Mr. Chaos."

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

Family Day Out

THIS....is a happy post.

We have two young adult daughters who live at home (paying rent), work crazy hours and have active social lives.  Adored Wife has doctor appointments and volunteer commitments, and my work for a church has some odd scheduling involved with it.  Graphics Magician's summer time calendar is actually pretty flexible when he's not occupied with his friends.

This is a roundabout way of saying that it's a little difficult to get everybody together for any length of time.  Last night (at this writing) we were all awake and in the house at the same time for about fifteen minutes, which is the only time it had happened that day.  I left the house today before anybody but the cat was awake, and by the time I get home both girls will be at work, and by the time they get home I'll probably be asleep.

So it was a tremendous pleasure the other day when NOBODY had anything scheduled for the afternoon or evening.  We went out to lunch as a family, at Cici's Pizza Buffet (the girls paid their own way), and then went to a very nice mall and just hung out together for a couple of hours.  Everybody was getting along, we were talking and laughing and having a good time.  There are issues and concerns, but we shoved them all aside and talked about movies and friends and music and jobs.

I had a blast.

No point to this, friends, just wanted to let you know that not everything in our household is challenging.  Some times the family is just fun.

Hope all's well out there, and God bless.

Sympathetic to Anxiety

Adored Wife deals with a lot of anxiety issues.

This means the REST of the family deals with a lot of anxiety issues because, you know, if Mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy.

I have to confess I haven't always been as sympathetic and understanding about this as I should have been, but I'm trying to get better about it.  I've asked AW to try to describe what happens with the anxiety, and she's working on it.  She does say it's completely different than panic attacks (she has those, too.)

From our perspective, it can be difficult to live with--it does sometimes feel as though you have to tiptoe around certain issues and refrain from doing certain things because they might trigger an anxiety attack.  It can seem like the anxiety is running the household.

But it's a legitimate medical issue, like any of a number of other things we face, and AW can't help it.  This is one we're learning to live with, as a family, because that's what family does.  I'm going to be doing some homework and research on it, and AW's going to be working on helping us understand what it's like inside her head.

This is not going to beat us.  Nothing else has, and this isn't going to, either.

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

Everybody Plays Charades

Happy Independence Day!

In this post, I elaborated on Adored Wife's anomic aphasia, her brain's occasional inability to come up with the correct word.  It's not a hugely impairing thing; probably 98% of the time the right term is there when she needs it.  It's just enough of an issue to be noticeable in conversation, and the family has gotten pretty good at figuring out what AW wants to say from her gestures and clues and "pointer words."

For instance, if she's trying to come up with "garage" and her mind isn't supplying it, she'll point toward it and say something like "where we keep the cars."  It works pretty well.  Or with the word "scissors" she'll act it out with her fingers, that sort of thing.

In conversation with her the other night I noted that the family had gotten pretty good at speaking her language, and she was quick to let me know that it wasn't just her family.  Her Sunday School class and the people at the community theater and a few neighbors (all of whom she spends significant time with) are pretty accustomed to deciphering her as well.

Everybody she knows reasonably well has learned to play charades.

And it got me to thinking about the whole idea of "normal," (as in "the neighbors think we're.....").  AW's friends and family have a relationship with her in which it's normal to have to sometimes guess at the word she wants.  And she's very happy to have friends who are willing to do that to have a conversation with her.

And I just wanted to express my appreciation to all of those who are willing to play along with those of us who aren't quite as normal as some.  Thanks for playing charades, friends.  That's just how we roll around here.