Supper At Our House

One thing I don't really think about much is that there are things "normal" families do that we simply don't.  And it's okay; it's how our family operates and it's no big deal.  Until of course I'm in conversation with someone else and it's brought home to me that we're a little odd.

Take family meal times.  We have "sit down" dinners very rarely.  One, everybody has a crazy schedule, but even when time allows it doesn't happen much.  Oddly enough on this one I'm one of the frequent sticking points.  I'm pure introvert and when I've had a very people-oriented day (which I often do) I don't want to interact with anybody when I get home.  Basement Artist is wired very much like I am but her lifestyle is currently less people-oriented so she doesn't usually balk at family suppers.  But she doesn't encourage them, either.

Depending on how she's feeling Social Hurricane is sometimes gung-ho for family meals, but sometimes she's in a depressive state and not fit company and sometimes the hallucinations are making so much noise in her head that she can't really participate anyway.  Graphics Magician will come to the table and eat if instructed (and will set the table and help clear away if so instructed) but he's twelve going on twenty and the rest of us are hopelessly uncool and he doesn't interact with us much if he can help it (unless he has some new trick he wants to show off.)

So Adored Wife is the only one who really values family suppers and is almost always the one who has to take point making sure it happens and it's an uphill battle for her.  She enjoys cooking but with her physical limitations she has to guilt the rest of us into setting the table and doing the side dishes and the drinks and so forth.   And after all that she has to go lie down and take the pressure off her neck and spine.  Other than some help from the kids clearing the table, I'm invariably the one who does the dishes.  But I usually enjoy doing dishes as long as I can put on some music and chase everybody else out of the kitchen so I can finally get some alone time, so that's okay.

So that's how we do family suppers.  When we do them, which is rarely.  And sometimes I realize that's not normal.

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

The House Is Still Standing

Happy Monday, friends!

I'd thrown out the disclaimer back near the beginning of this blog that I wasn't a medical doctor or a licensed therapist or anything like that so you should take any advice or information I put on here with a grain of salt.  My good friend and technical wizard Vince suggested I approach it from the position that "this is what we do and everybody's still alive."

I think it's excellent advice and I intend to follow it but it got me thinking about the "everybody's still alive" bit.  The girls aren't so much active babysitters anymore now that Graphics Magician is old enough to stay by himself for stretches of time but the instruction we used to give them was "as long as everybody's still alive and the house is still standing, we're good."  In other words, we didn't want them to worry too much about anything other than the bare minimum.

But sometimes it seems as though we've spent copious amounts of our lives making sure the house was still standing, just making sure we were surviving.  I'm not entirely proud of that, but we've had eras in our lives when we were living in crisis mode, dealing with one problem after another and hoping that we could just keep the bare minimum of existence together.  And to top that off, trying to put on a brave face to the outside world.

These days we're attempting to be more honest with our struggles and challenges with those outside the family and we're also trying to "seize the day," to enjoy our lives and do productive things and make a difference in our community and our world despite the issues we face.  I may tell you the story sometime of a lady I know who's essentially housebound  through taking care of family members but who manages to paint and garden and maintain an active and vibrant internet life regardless.

So on occasion the best thing we can say about a day is "at least the house is still standing."  But we want more of that out of life and by God's grace we're trying to go about it.

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

Holy Week

Today millions of people worldwide are observing Maundy Thursday, when we remember the events of the last supper Jesus spent with His disciples.  I haven't talked a lot in this blog about my Christian faith but it informs pretty much everything I do and am.  I thought on the occasion of Holy Week I'd say a few words about my and my family's beliefs.

"The Neighbors Think We're Normal" is all about the challenges my particular household faces, but it must be said that we're greatly blessed and I suppose part of our strength is that we try to count our blessings.  For me personally, I eat regularly, have access to plenty of clean water, and have a roof over my head.  I have no great fears of being the victim of violence or persecution.  My life isn't idyllic but I enjoy better health than most and more leisure and luxury than many in the world could claim.

But the greatest blessing I can tell of is that my sins are forgiven in Jesus' name and that I can and do enjoy a living relationship with God through Jesus.  The stresses I do go through, small though they are compared to others, would be intolerable without the strength and peace available through my trust in Him.

I'm far from perfect but God watches over me and lovingly corrects me when I stray.  I try to live my life in a way that pleases Him.  I'm not going to turn this blog into a preaching forum but I'd be remiss if I didn't tell you something about about the best thing in my life.

Hope everything's well out there, friends, and God bless.  I'll try to have some funny stories next time around.  Happy Easter--Christ is risen!  He is risen indeed!

I Haven't Talked About Anger Yet?

Looking back over this blog I can't believe I haven't talked about my anger issues yet.

Nobody really thinks I have anger issues, because most people have never seen me angry and the ones who have have seen it only rarely.  And to be fair it doesn't happen often.  It takes honestly a LOT to tick me off.

But when I'm angry I have no idea what to do with it.

I'm angry right now, writing this.  I don't particularly need to tell you what about; it's not important.  But my anger looks a lot like depression.  I turn it inward, swallow it, stifle it.  It's not depression; I know what true depression feels like and it's completely different.  But it looks a lot the same from the outside--I'm emotionally shut down and unable to function all that well because I'm spending all that energy keeping a lid on things.

It's a good lid.  I'm in absolutely no danger of blowing my stack or losing my cool unless I were to be really, really provoked.  Not likely to happen.

I know this isn't healthy, but I honestly have never had any idea what to do with my anger.  I'm no expert on this one, friends--I have no helpful advice or wisdom to share.  I do pray about it and I try to stay involved with doing productive things--the same sort of thing that gets me through depressive episodes.  Eventually the anger will simmer down and I'll feel normal again.  I have no idea if it truly goes away or if I'm just building up this forty-year stockpile of rage and some day I'll do something crazy like run for public office.

Confessions of an angry man.  Heavenly Father, I crave Your wisdom and guidance.

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

Happy Anniversary to Adored Wife

Adored Wife and I have been married for twenty-six years today!

It won't be any kind of big celebration--we'll probably go out to lunch.  Last year we did a cruise for our 25th (AW did an excellent job bargain hunting and saved up and we got a little financial help with it) but that's not the sort of thing we can do every year.  I did get her a little something but she reads this blog so I can't tell you what it is before I get the chance to give it to her.

I was looking back at wedding pictures--she looked beautiful and radiant and she was standing next to this skinny guy who didn't look good in a beard and who really should have found time to get a haircut no matter how crazy his week was.  I have a daughter older than we were then--scary.

We'd been through a few health crises and family troubles and stresses already at that point but we had NO IDEA what we were letting ourselves in for.  God's been amazingly faithful to shepherd and guide and provide for us every step of the way but I'm glad we can't see the future.  If I'd known then what a rocky road it was going to be would I have had the courage to go through with it?  I dunno.

But we've survived everything and I can honestly say that my wife is still my best friend.  Despite relationship troubles and financial troubles and health troubles and job troubles and household troubles and family troubles and whatnot the marriage is still going strong.

It sounds a little sappy, but my wife completes me.  I wouldn't be the man I am (whatever that means) without her.

Happy anniversary, AW.  Je t'adore!

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

Be Encouraged

Happy Monday, friends.  Unlike a lot of my blog posts (which I schedule ahead) this one is written in real time.  I had a very full week, albeit a good one, and my slightly less abundant discretionary time was spent with family and a few other personal projects rather than this.

But I'd wanted to say a word.  I'm up and about early, getting ready to take a day trip to see my parents.  (I was going to go one day last week, but had a bit of a situation at work.)  I haven't seen them in almost two months, what with car troubles and oral surgery and illness, so I'm rather looking forward to today.

Things are going pretty well.  Basement Artist still has her boyfriend in, although he's leaving tomorrow evening, and that's been good--I got to spend a little time with him here and there and he's a good guy.  Graphics Magician and I spent some quality time yesterday afternoon, and I've had a couple of dates with Social Hurricane.  I haven't seen much of Adored Wife with the play she's directing, but we'll get caught up, and of course BA has been busy with the fiancé.

But I've been thinking about God's sovereignty and how He uses the circumstances of this life to direct our hearts back to Him.  I've had a few idolatrous practices in my own life rear their ugly heads of late (gluttony and wasting time, mainly) and God's gently allowed a few stressful situations to draw my attention to the fact that I'm looking toward the wrong things to give me strength and peace and wisdom and guidance, when I ought to be looking toward Him.

But I know God loves me, and I know that when I keep my heart set on Him that He'll be with me through whatever storms may come in this life.  May that peace stay with me and, friends, may You know that peace as well.

God bless.  I'm off on a road trip!

The Introvert Throws a Party

I'm quite proud of Basement Artist.

Her birthday was coming up, her fiancé was in town, and she decided (with our permission) to throw a "come-meet-my-boyfriend-and-celebrate-my-birthday" party.  She'd never hosted a party before and for an extreme introvert this was a huge undertaking.  She didn't do it because she likes parties, she did it because she felt it was an "adult" thing to do and she wanted to push herself a little.

In all fairness Adored Wife and I did a fair amount of guidance and pitching in but BA and her boyfriend (I shall have to come up with a blog pseudonym for him at some point) carried the load.

It was way more successful than she had anticipated.  Part of it was my fault, part of it was her fault; I told her to invite twice the number of people she really wanted because most people wouldn't be able to come.  She rounded that number up and about two-thirds of the invitees put in an appearance.  We were sort of thinking a dozen people and we had in the vicinity of twenty.  Family, fiancé, guests from the neighborhood and the theater and her job and her church--it was a fun crowd.

And BA was the center of attention because these were her guests, and she was the only one present who knew everybody.  She was having to be gracious and social and welcome people and make introductions and do this, that, and the other.  It helped, of course, that everyone there knew and liked her (and with all due modesty it helped that her parents were there to support her and are good at this kind of thing) but she did herself proud.

And a good time was had by all.

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

Family Update

Here's what's been going on this week in our household.

1. Juggling vehicles a little bit because we're at least temporarily down from three to two.  However see #5 below.

2. Adored Wife is heavily in the middle of directing her play.  We knew it was going to be a short but intense rehearsal schedule--a few weeks and it's done.  We haven't seen her much and she's been pretty much exhausted when we have.  (That a slight exaggeration but only a slight one.)

3. Graphics Magician has been in that busy crossover between basketball not quite ended and track starting.  He's been a little tired with the extra physical activity.  Plus there's one teacher at school he doesn't get along with and that's a little stressful.  Whether it's him, her, or a combination it's still a thing to deal with.

4. Social Hurricane has been working a lot and is trying to sign up to retake the CNA course at the local community college--she's determined to do it right this time.  It's been a lot of paperwork but she's really taken the initiative on this one and I'm proud of her.  She doesn't drive but is very adept at taking the bus.

5. Basement Artist has her fiancé in for a visit.  Nice guy, and they've rented a car so they can get around a little bit.  Her birthday is also this week and she decided she wanted to have a birthday/introduce my friends to my Canadian boyfriend/have some people over party.  The introvert didn't know what she was letting herself in for but she's going to be fine.

6. I've still been pretty under the weather with the oral surgery convalescence; I honestly didn't know how it was going to be--I've been able to function and eat and talk so that's all great, but I've been ill and uncomfortable and lethargic for a week.  No fun, but it'll pass.

A lot going on but we're keeping our spirits up and God is gracious.  Last night we were all in and out of the kitchen jamming to YouTube videos playing on a laptop.  (Sesame Street songs, if you must know--you should check out "James Taylor Sesame Street Jelly Man Kelly")

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

A Car Nears Its End

Happy Thursday, friends, and hope this finds you well.

As promised, I'm no longer doing the Monday-Wednesday-Friday posting schedule but have moved to the "every so often" posting.  I really, really, really wanted to post something yesterday--I'm a little tightly wound and bound by my own sense of honor and duty--but I decided that if I was going to drop MWF then by golly I should drop it.

I've made a few other changes courtesy my technologically inclined friend Vince's very helpful suggestions.  You'll notice there's now some "subscribe" and "follow" features I hope you'll make use of.  I'll hopefully be incorporating more of his advice as we move forward.  I'm still trying to sort out where this blog is headed and I appreciate your prayers and feedback.

At the moment I hope you'll join me in a moment of silence as we gather to pay our respects to our beloved Jeep.  It's not dead but it is terminally ill.  It has a loose rod in the motor and the mechanic said it may be good for another twenty miles or another two hundred but at some point in time the engine is going to stop and it's never going to start again.

This is an awkward situation for us.  I couldn't justify putting a rebuilt engine into the Jeep no matter what--they're expensive and it'd make more sense to put the money toward another vehicle.  But we don't have the money for either repair or replacement--we're in debt as it is, with no immediate prospects for getting out.  There are some wealthy people we know that we could ask for a bailout and if it came down to a real crisis I could do that and they would help--I don't have anything to actually worry about.  But I'm not going to ask them just because it's inconvenient to be down a vehicle; we'll manage somehow.

But it does make a change in how our household operates.  It'll probably be good for us; God is after all absolute Sovereign over all circumstances and this wouldn't be happening if He didn't have some plans to bring good out of it.

So we'll trust Him with the transportation situation and not worry about it.  But it's testing our juggling and scheduling skills right now.

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.