Depression Revisited

Okay, well, this is something new, and I don't think I like it.  But it looks like I'm going to have to accept it.

I commented a couple of posts ago that I was wondering if I was in a depressive episode.  I'm not. My "episodes of clinical depression" have definite symptoms and certain very specific tell-tale signs.  Feelings of despondency, lethargy, apathy, and pointlessness, tremendous lack of creativity and initiative, no interest in usual pursuits or pleasures, waking up early and being unable to go back to sleep, somatic preoccupation (means "fiddling with things for no reason"), eating patterns change, unable to be cheered up.

That's what a depressive episode looks like.  It's pretty bad.  I get them about every year and a half, and they last for between two and three weeks typically.  The last one was in May of  of 2016 and it was moderately severe.  I'm due for one around November.  Not looking forward to it.

However......

I've been "down" for the last couple of weeks.  Definitely not a depressive episode.  Generally pretty functional, without the indicators that let me know that "yes, I'm depressed."  I've just been in a bad mood, and I've attributed it to the external stressors of which I have my fair share.

But Adored Wife informed me the other night that I was, indeed, depressed.  And when people who live with you tell you there's an issue, you ALWAYS listen, because they often know better than you do.

So, yes, I'm depressed.  And this is new, because ongoing depression is NOT something I struggle with.  I take St. John's Wort daily (it's an herbal supplement with clinically proven effectiveness in treating mild depression) just as a preventative and it's always been pretty effective.  I've increased the dosage significantly, and I'm feeling much better.

But this means that I've entered a new stage in dealing with depression.  I really need to talk to a doctor about it, because it does tend to get worse with age, I have a family history of it, and if my baseline is to be mildly depressed, a full-blown depressive episode could be.....um.....bad.

It's entirely possible that I'll wind up going on some kind of prescription for it.  There's no shame in that--it's a neurochemical imbalance; it doesn't mean I'm a bad person.

But it's something new.  And I don't like it.  But I'll learn to live with it.

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.