Conversations, Lightly Seasoned With Memory Issues

I am, let's be fair, occasionally absent-minded myself.  If I don't write it down, chances are good it won't get done.  Usually, something will jog my memory later (usually too late to do any good) and I'll have a regrettable "oh, yeah, that" moment.  Some things don't stick in my mind at all.  I don't think I forget them, I just don't think I really paid them enough attention to record them accurately in the first place.

So, yeah, I'm absent-minded.  Unfortunately I don't have any neurological issues to blame it on, but fortunately it's generally not too bad.

Adored Wife has significant memory issues, with plenty of neurochemical grounds to account for them.  Some times, things that she once knew just, purely and simply, go away, without hope or chance for recall.  No jogging her memory, no reminding her of things.  They're simply not there any more.

The awkward thing in conversations is that we'll sometimes have different recollections of how things have happened.  Usually, my version of events is more accurate than AW's, and we both know this, because of the interesting place that is her brain.

Usually.  But not always.

Because it HAS happened that I've legitimately forgotten something myself, and AW hasn't.  And that gets difficult when I'm sympathetically assuming that she's forgotten something and she's second-guessing herself, because her memory is only a rough guide to events for her.

And then something will jog my memory, and, oops.  My bad.  Sorry, AW, you were right about that one, and I was wrong.  (With a little luck, though, she'll forget that she was right and I was wrong.  Otherwise I'd never live it down.)

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

Saying "No" To Stuff

We've had to say "no" to some things for peace of mind.  Sometimes we look like a normal family, and we try to act like one, but we're really kind of not.  I know every family has their own problems, and it's entirely true that "everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about," but, yeah, we have our challenges.  Adored Wife and Social Hurricane, in particular, have psychological and neurochemical issues that make it occasionally difficult to function at all, and AW has some pretty good-sized physical limits on top of that.

So there are things "normal" families can do that are a little difficult for us.

One case in point--our neighborhood had a community yard sale.  Everybody putting out tables in their front yards, enjoying the weather, socializing and hopefully making a few bucks on some unwanted treasures that were taking up space in their garages.

I'd kind of wanted to do that.  We have a LOT of unwanted treasures, and it looked like fun.  I already knew AW couldn't do any of the heavy lifting, of course, but that was no big deal.  I'd have the girls and Graphics Magician to help with that.

And then it got down to the wire, and Basement Artist was going to have to work, and AW had a very busy week with wedding planning and had been ill on top of that and was having anxiety issues and SH'd had a really bad couple of days with hallucinations and panic attacks and was doing well just to get to her job and then come home and try to keep from falling apart.

So the upshot was that I'd have to pretty much pull it all together and man it myself along with whatever I could coerce Graphics Magician into doing.  And it's not as though I didn't have other things going on that I wanted and needed to do.

And it wouldn't have been any fun to try to do it under those circumstances.

So, we took the low-stress option and said "no," to participating in the community yard sale.  Bummer, but sometimes you have to do that.  Because the neighbors only THINK we're normal.

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

Panic in the Sam's Club

Both Adored Wife and Social Hurricane are subject to panic attacks and anxiety attacks.

I appreciate that there are probably more precise medical definitions, but AW explained the difference to me from a sufferer's perspective-----

Anxiety attack:  Somewhere out there, someone is probably hunting for me, and he might have a knife.
Panic attack:  He has a knife.  And he's in my house.

Social Hurricane and I were out on a father-daughter date, eating pizza in Sam's Club, when she tensed up and said "I know there's nothing you can do about this, but I'm having a panic attack."

There was nothing I could do about it.  Trying to reason someone out of it doesn't help, because they KNOW it's "not real."  But the body doesn't know that, and won't be told.  I've never had them, and hope that's always true, but it doesn't look like any fun at all.

Fortunately it didn't last long, but SH was jumpy, agitated, and paranoid for several minutes there.  Increased respiration, nervously looking all around, completely distracted.  We walked around and looked at stuff, because it's better to keep on the move.

It was very good that she can recognize when she's having an attack--that helps tremendously in dealing with them (although it doesn't make them go away.)  And, a few minutes later, she was fine.

That kind of thing happens in my family all the time.  Whee!

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

Just Another Weekend

So, the other weekend....

Graphics Magician had his social privileges severely curtailed, because he wasn't where he was supposed to be when he was supposed to be there.  Also the story he told us didn't quite line up with the observable facts, although I'm prepared to grant him the benefit of the doubt and attribute it to adolescent confusion rather than deliberate deception.  Nonetheless, it wasn't a happy conversation.

Social Hurricane had a bad hallucinatory episode, and had to put down a few lines of salt in the house to keep the monsters at bay.  It's a coping technique that works for her, and we just deal with it.  She hasn't had to do that in some time, and may be adjusting her medication.

Basement Artist had a bridal shower at church, and she was both thrilled and completely overwhelmed.  She was gracious and conducted herself admirable while there.  She got home and was completely peopled out--she had to go do some introvert recharging.

Adored Wife and I were actually okay, except for having to juggle kids.  GM's situation was a bit stressful, but the shower was grand fun.

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

The Next Bill Down The Pike

Basement Artist was a little concerned, because she got a substantial medical bill for a procedure that she was under the impression insurance was supposed to cover.  She's still figuring out all the "adulting things" herself and has made great progress (she's going to be fine) but getting a notice in the mail asking you to pay several hundred dollars you don't have would rock anybody's day.

And we got to share with her the benefit of our own experience.  I don't think I've had a day in my twenty-seven years of married life when there wasn't some doctor bill I was making payments on, or some health coverage snafu I was trying to straighten out, or some prescription that hadn't been refilled, or some insurance company I needed to call about some claim that hadn't been paid on.  We've made mistakes in some of the things we've done, but sometimes doctors' offices and insurers have made errors in how they filed or processed things as well.

The upshot is, there's always something to deal with.  And no sooner do you get one matter handled than the next thing is coming down the pike.

And you can't let it get to you, and what we were trying, with some success, to get across to BA was that she couldn't let it get to her.  Yes, it was something that needed to be straightened out, but you didn't need to let that ruin your whole day.  No point fretting about it; just make the phone calls, find out what needs to be done to address the situation, and move on.  Oh, and stop to enjoy the sunsets and the kittens and the smell of fresh-baked cookies in the midst of all that.  You can't let worries about doctor bills run your life.

As it turns out, other than a modest deductible insurance IS covering this particular bill.  The doctor's office had just sent us the bill before they received the payment from our insurance company.  If we'd just waited on this one, they would have sent us another, much lower bill the next month.  But it was a five-minute phone call to buy BA some peace of mind--well worth it.

Okay, on to Social Hurricane's doctor bills......

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

Going Through Midlife Crisis

I'm not exactly unhappy where I work.  There are some frustrating aspects to it, but I can't imagine anybody in any other job would say anything different.  I'm privileged to be able to associate with some very nice people and there are aspects of my occupation I quite enjoy.

But I can't see doing what I'm doing now for the rest of my life.

I'm starting to feel my age a little bit.  Forty-eight at this writing, which is hardly advanced, but it's just right for a (bum, bum, bum) MIDLIFE CRISIS.  And there are things I'm doing now which a younger man, quite honestly, could probably do better.  I was probably not a bad fit when I started my current job, eight years ago, but I think I'm aging out of it.  Some of the physical stuff is getting harder, and I'm a little crankier about some of the management policies and practices that I've never quite been on board with.

And I think I'm ready for a change.  Spread my wings a little, do something more creative, have a little more fun.

But I have to be careful and cautious.  Men in midlife have been known to do ill-advised things purely BECAUSE they're starting to feel their age, and I don't want to add my name to that list.

Also, I kinda want to go out and buy a nice car, which I'd have to finance, and that would be a really moronically bad idea.

I'll have to keep an eye on it.  I'll let you know if I start looking at toupées.  (Which would be kind of silly, because my hair is seriously graying but is otherwise intact.)

God bless, friends.

The Cat Is In Disgrace

Remind me why we have a cat, again?  I keep forgetting.

Picture this:  Adored Wife is making cookies, using sweetened condensed milk with pink food coloring as frosting.  She leaves the kitchen for a minute and comes back to find Oscar up on the counter, in kitty heaven, having eaten about half the frosting.

He is not allowed on the counter and knows he is not allowed on the counter.  She swats his furry behind and throws him outside.

(For those of you who may not know, cats tend to love dairy products, but dairy products are not good for a cat's digestion.  This fact will become relevant very shortly in the story.  Like, say, in the next paragraph.)

Sometime later, she lets him back in.  He promptly goes down the hall and upchucks bright pink barf in front of our bedroom.

He was outside for an HOUR.  He couldn't have done that outside?

Much scrubbing later, and the carpet is still slightly rose-colored......

It's a good thing he's cute.

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.