Apologizing to Graphics Magician

I was in the wrong the other night, and Graphics Magician called me on it, and I had to apologize to him.

My mistake--my BIG mistake--was expecting him to be able to handle things like a grownup.  I really, really, really have to watch that.

He'd been called down for disrespectful conduct.  And that part his mother and I actually handled pretty well; he was in the wrong and we told him, calmly and patiently enough, that his behavior was unacceptable.  But by that point he was angry and abashed and uncomfortable and just wanted to leave the room to go process things and simmer down.

And I should have just let him go, and caught back up with him later when he'd had a chance to settle.  But I insisted that he remain there and face up to his actions, which was a serious blunder on my part.  Adolescence is tricky, and I wasn't taking into account the fact that his brain is a swirling thunderstorm of hormones and rampaging emotions and cognitive confusion, and I was being really, really unreasonable in expecting him to be able to calmly and maturely stay and discuss things.

I need to remember that he's thirteen.

In his room later he still couldn't coherently frame his thoughts but he told me that he didn't know what to say or do at that point and he was afraid that anything he DID say would only get him in more trouble (which was probably true) and he just wanted to leave.  And I should have just let him, and I was in the wrong, and I apologized.  It wasn't a bad moment.

Maybe I'll do better next time.  I need to remember to be the grownup.

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

A Father Has to Apologize

So, God laid on my heart that I needed to give a real apology to Social Hurricane.

A lot of the troubles started a few years ago when her bipolar disorder was first kicking in.  We didn't know what was happening at the time; we thought she was just going through an exceptionally rebellious period.

And we had one bad night--she went for a walk, and walked for hours.  That's very common with bipolar--sometimes you just have to get out and move.  We found her bed empty, called around to her friends, called the police, the whole nine yards.  We were panicking, let's give us that.

And, when she did check in, I blew up at her.

That was a bad idea.  Granted her actions weren't well thought out, but she was confused and her brain was betraying her and she wasn't thinking clearly.  All she knew was that she had to get out.  Plus, she was the teenager and I was the mature, wise, middle-aged father.  What I should have done was try to listen, try to understand.  I shouldn't have let my anger get the better of me.  She didn't mean any harm.  She didn't mean to worry us.

And rather than help the situation, I drove her away.  Maybe if I'd reacted with a little more compassion, things would have turned out a lot differently.  It was the start of a very difficult time in our family life.

So the other night I had a long talk with her, and I apologized, and asked her to forgive me.  And she was very gracious about it, and told me she did forgive me.  And then we got a soda and talked about superheroes and went for a walk.

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.