Hormone Central

Conversation between me and Graphics Magician.  If you're not a regular reader of this blog, GM is a 14 year old strong willed boy who thinks he knows everything.  As this conversation unfolds, though, I have him at a bit of a disadvantage, because I'd earlier caught him hanging out with a neighborhood girl and he's embarrassed and a bit abashed.

Me: My son, do you know what hormones do to fourteen-year-old boys?

GM: ......no.

Me: Hormones make fourteen-year-old boys stupid.  Do you know what hormones do to fourteen-year-old girls?

GM: .....make them stupid?

Me: No.  Hormones make fourteen-year-old girls mean.  She will play with your emotions just because she can, and she won't intend any harm by it.  Haven't you had enough girl trouble already?

GM: No, but, Papa, I get it, okay, but she's like my best friend.  We just talk.

Me: Uh-huh.  Plus, she's really cute and she smells nice, right?

GM: (Puts fingers in ears, blushes, grins, stops making eye contact.)

Me: Okay, I guess we're done here.

Adolescence, Sweet Adolescence

Adored Wife is convinced there's something wrong with Graphics Magician.

He's wanting to hang out with friends we don't entirely approve of all the time and do not much of anything with them, he's moody, uncommunicative, sleeps a lot, a little lazy, doesn't enjoy time with family, and he's not enthusiastic about a lot of the things he used to really enjoy.

I personally think that he's got a very serious condition, and the whole family is going to be suffering from it for the next four to six years.

That's right--he's an adolescent.

Now, I have to be careful about making light of AW's concerns, because there have been numerous occasions when she's been right about something that's escaped my attention.  I'll keep an eye on him.

But honestly, he reminds me a lot of me when I was that age.  And I had my own issues (as which fourteen year old doesn't?) but nothing to be alarmed about.  I got through it, although I'm sure I was a trial to my parents' patience on more than one occasion.

We may be entering a very "normal" challenging stage.  And I'm not sure we're equipped to deal with normal.  I'll let you know how it goes.

Addendum: Okay, once again AW was right and I was wrong.  GM and his friends have been getting into a little mischief beyond what we're prepared to tolerate, and we're having to nip a few tendencies in the bud.  Whee.

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

Just Another Weekend

So, the other weekend....

Graphics Magician had his social privileges severely curtailed, because he wasn't where he was supposed to be when he was supposed to be there.  Also the story he told us didn't quite line up with the observable facts, although I'm prepared to grant him the benefit of the doubt and attribute it to adolescent confusion rather than deliberate deception.  Nonetheless, it wasn't a happy conversation.

Social Hurricane had a bad hallucinatory episode, and had to put down a few lines of salt in the house to keep the monsters at bay.  It's a coping technique that works for her, and we just deal with it.  She hasn't had to do that in some time, and may be adjusting her medication.

Basement Artist had a bridal shower at church, and she was both thrilled and completely overwhelmed.  She was gracious and conducted herself admirable while there.  She got home and was completely peopled out--she had to go do some introvert recharging.

Adored Wife and I were actually okay, except for having to juggle kids.  GM's situation was a bit stressful, but the shower was grand fun.

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

We Blow It As Parents

Graphics Magician, our thirteen-year old son, doesn't read this blog, and neither do any of his friends.  So unless any of you tell him about this post, he'll likely never know about it.  So, you know, please don't.

But we're in for a very challenging adolescence with him.  The girls were challenging in their own ways, but not like this.  (We knew a large family in Richmond, and the mother said it was like having six "first children."  What worked with one was completely inapplicable to another.)

We let him hang out with some friends at a local shopping area.  GM said he thought one of the friend's moms was going to be there.  She wasn't.  Then he said he thought said mom was going to pick them up and bring them home after awhile.  That "after awhile" turned out to be several unsupervised hours. THEN he wasn't answering his phone or texts because he'd shut his phone off because he was running low on battery power because he'd used it all up playing games and texting with friends.

Adored Wife and I had kind of a frantic hour there, because we had no idea who was supervising him or when he was coming home and we couldn't get in touch with him.  I wound up going to get him.

This wasn't his fault, because he didn't tell us any untruths, and the phone thing did look logical from his point of view.  He turned it on every hour or so to check for messages.  And it certainly wasn't the fault of the friend's mom, who hadn't promised us anything.  This was our fault, for giving him more freedom than he was ready to handle.  They behaved, they survived, they didn't get in trouble (that we know of), but still.

We wish he'd handled it differently, and if he'd been more mature he would have.  But the whole problem is that he wasn't mature enough to be given that kind of freedom.

Plain and simple, we blew it, and have no one but ourselves to blame.

He had fun, and he's a little bewildered at how freaked out we were.  But he's not old enough to properly appreciate all the things that could have happened.

So, we're going to have to tighten up the boundaries, which won't be much fun.  We shouldn't have let them get that loose in the first place.  Our fault.  We expect some resistance.

We crave prayers for wisdom, friends,  This one's going to be challenging.

Thanks and God bless.

Adored Wife Gets Stuck

Adored Wife tells a funny story on herself:

AW and Graphics Magician were alone in the house.  GM hadn't been feeling well and she was checking on him in his bunk bed.  He has a set of steps leading up to it and she stepped wrong on the first step and broke it, stranding herself on the second step.  Because of her balance and other neurological issues, she had absolutely no way to safely get down.

This has woken up GM, and he becomes aware of his mother's precarious position.  Half asleep he says "don't move" and goes in search of a step stool.  The first one he brings is too low to the ground so, still groggy, he goes down to the very cold garage and manages to find the larger one.

His mother relates that she is standing there feeling like an idiot the whole time stuck two feet off the ground, but she was quite relieved when GM came back with the "good" step stool and she was able to navigate safely back to the floor.

And she did manage to check on Graphics Magician, so it's all good.

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

Looking Forward

Time flies.

If all goes as planned, by this time next year Basement Artist will be married and living in Montreal.

By this time next year Social Hurricane is hoping to be somewhere out on her own, probably in some sort of roommate situation, maybe in a nearby city.

By this time next year, Lord willing, Graphics Magician will be a freshman in high school finishing up his first quarter.

And a year goes fast.  It goes by much faster than it used to, which my father has always assured me is a sign of advancing age.

Speaking of which, by this time next year if he's still with us he'll have turned ninety years old, and various other relatives will have ticked another birthday off the list.  

Adored Wife will celebrate her fiftieth this coming year.  (I'll only be turning forty-nine--I married an older woman.)

When our daughters leave home and as our son continues to grow toward independence it's going to mean radical changes in our home life.

Don't know what it's going to look like--everybody's experience is a little different, but lots of people have gone through this before.  We're hardly unique.

It's going to be interesting finding out.

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

Telling Stories on the Kids

I have three children, pseudonymously known as Basement Artist, Social Hurricane, and Graphics Magician, all three of whom have given permission to have their lives featured in this blog.

Having said that, I do feel the need to have some respect for their privacy.

Among my other failings, I used to be a Baptist pastor (I'm currently a Baptist associate pastor, so not much of an improvement, but I don't preach that often any more.)  You always had to be very careful using the children for sermon illustrations--it was okay when they were very young, but they weren't far into elementary school when the cute stories started to embarrass them.

Similarly, I have to be careful about putting funny stuff on Facebook about my children.  And I have to be circumspect about what I say about my kids on this blog.  I have their permission, sure, but I also have to have some consideration for their feelings and their privacy.

BA and SH, being of the young adult persuasion, are now to the point that telling interesting anecdotes about their childhood doesn't bother them (much).  We've passed some sort of statute of limitations, but I still don't want to embarrass them.  GM on the other hand, being thoroughly twelve and pushing hard on thirteen, hasn't reached that happy perspective point, and it's hard enough being his age already without dad throwing out some comical tale from his childhood for all the world to see.

So, I have to be a little careful, even though there's a wealth of funny material I could draw from.

The stories I could tell you.....

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

Frustration With Bullies

I try to approach most things with a sense of humor.  I have a tough time thinking of anything funny about bullying.

Basement Artist dealt with bullies in her day and Graphics Magician deals with them in his.  Social Hurricane ran across bullies but never had any really significant issues with them if memory serves.  (I think she scared most of them away to be honest with you.)

It's a serious problem in our day and age and one that frustrates me tremendously as a parent.  Any time one of my children has mentioned bullying, what dad really wants to do is go find these little jerks who think it's entertaining to torment others and explain a few things to them in no uncertain terms.

I do understand that's probably not a workable idea.  But it makes me feel helpless and I don't like feeling helpless.  I know there are mean and cruel people in the world and that sooner or later my children will have to learn how to deal with them.  And I also know that my own children aren't perfect angels either and sometimes children really don't intend or understand the harm they wind up causing.  And I also know that teachers and school officials deplore bullying and try to curb it but they're not miracle workers.

And I really do know that, to take my son as an example, he really, really, REALLY doesn't want me to go charging into the school and throw my weight around.  He'll survive a few middle school jerks.  He knows he will.  But the embarrassment of having his dad go in and try to fix things could wind up haunting him for decades.  He'll take the bullies, thanks anyway.

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.