Talking About Inessential Things

In the household we need to talk about schedules and calendars and school and insurance and bills and taxes and jobs and rides and shopping and the wedding and relationships and coordinating vehicles and chores and rent and doctor visits and all manner of things.  There's all manner of things that need to be discussed and planned and settled.

But you can't build a relationship on the necessary things.  You can build a partnership, sure.  You can build a business, yes.  But to build a family you have to spend some time talking about the inessential things.

So with Adored Wife I talk about Marvel superheroes and funny things little kids say and do and history and philosophy and linguistics.

With Basement Artist I talk about alternate worlds and time travel and the stories of Ray Bradbury and poetry and politics and pirates.

With Social Hurricane I talk about sunrises and Fablehaven and Captain America and cosplaying and anime.

With Graphics Magician I talk about.....oh, where to start......girls and sports and middle school and government and math and the future and bullies and fights and pranks and friends and animal behavior and the nature of the universe and trees and weather and wishes.  (I kind of let him direct the conversation and his mind goes everywhere.)

And then, sometimes, with the family, we have to talk about the necessary things that let you keep the household going.  But you can't live there--that's not living, it's just existing.

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

Be There For Each Other

One of the rules of the family is that we have to treat each other with at least a minimum of courtesy and respect.  We've had to make that as a rule, because, unfortunately, sometimes individual members of the family are dealing with their own issues and tend to get a little grouchy.

Not ME, of course.  I'm never anything other than the soul of compassion and consideration.

.......well, okay, maybe most of the time.....

.......well, maybe sometimes I'm a little stressed, too.  And when I'm stressed sometimes I take it out on those nearest to me.  It's very common, and it's not right.  Your family is a convenient target, and they can't help being your family.  If I'm rude to my neighbors or my co-workers or my friends, then I can be shunned by the neighborhood, I can get in trouble at work, I can lose friends.

If I'm grumpy with my family, the most they can be do is be grumpy back, and that makes for some unhappy home life.

So we try to be there for each other.  To try to cut each other some slack when we're having a bad day, and when we ARE having a bad day, we try to be at least reasonably polite and civil to our kinfolks.  We're blessed to be able to have our own spaces for the most part in our home, so we can retreat if we need to regroup, but it's a lot better when we can get along and show a little kindness.

Just something I occasionally need to remind myself and the family of.

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

A Bonus Day With My Dad

My father's not well.

It's not betraying any confidences to tell you that.  He's eighty-nine and in poor health.  He'd be the first to tell you he's seen better days.

But he's in a lot better shape than he was a month ago.  I'll be honest, I'd thought we were going to be planning a funeral soon.  He thought so, too--he had a BAD couple of weeks.  I'm still not betraying any confidences.  He'll tell you he thought he was dying.  And it was looking a little iffy for a while there.

He's not out of the woods yet.  He's very weak, and his stamina is shot, and he can't walk by himself.  He's still in a rehab facility and we're not sure at this point when he's getting out.  But he's clear-headed and not in any pain and his vital signs are in decent shape and he's getting stronger every day.

I went to see him the other day and asked him what he wanted to do.  And he asked if we could get out and ride around.  (Okay, what he actually said was "If I don't get out of here a little I'm going to lose my mind.")

So we checked him out, and got out, wheelchair and all.  There were some logistical issues, but we rode around, and we saw some people, and we ate sausage biscuits from Bojangles that weren't on his diet plan, and we talked a lot.

And it just struck me while I was riding around with him swapping stories that I was profoundly grateful for that day.  It was a bonus day, because a few weeks ago I really wasn't expecting my dad to rally from this one.  And I don't know how much more time I have with him, and we both know that.  And he's going to Heaven, and he knows that, and so we'll have eternity together.

But, even so, it was really, really.....GOOD....to get another day with my father.

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

Quality Time

You've gotta make the time.

With Adored Wife, it's talking while playing Farkle in the kitchen, or watching funny videos together, or reading quietly in bed and occasionally reading something back and forth.  It's quick emails and texts and Facebook messages back and forth.  It's soda and asking how the day went or what's up for tomorrow or anything going on with any of your creative projects or can you believe that latest "Agents of Shield?"

With Basement Artist, it's milkshakes and walks around the store and long conversations about the future and writing and philosophical concepts and jobs and church and movies and friends.

With Social Hurricane, it's easy.  Let's do something, let's watch something, let's play a game, let's go somewhere.  Buy her a piece of pizza and let her mix up some ghastly soft drink concoction at the fountain and she's good.  SH isn't tough to get along with; she just likes to be active.  Talking tends to happen in the middle of doing, and revolves around work and friends and future hopes.

With Graphics Magician, it's "come on, buddy, let's get out of the house."  It's walks around the neighborhood and long explores along the creek and through the woods and going up to play basketball with the neighbors and going to the grocery store for a doughnut.  We talk about school and Rubik's Cubes and aliens and sports and hopes and fears and dreams.

You've gotta make the time.

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

Face Time With Family

Adored Wife was telling me the other day that she liked to make sure that she got one on one time with all three of the kids, and I've asked her to elaborate on that a little more for a blog post.

She says there are three kinds of "face time."  There's the planned face time, where she deliberately takes one of the kids with her on an errand or intentionally makes time for a game of Farkle or something along those lines.  Then there's the "squished in" time, where you grab it as you can.  When she's taking both daughters to work (as happens sometimes with the schedule) she'll have Social Hurricane in the front seat and be talking to her until it's time to drop her off, then Basement Artist will move up to the front and she'll pick up the conversation with her.  Then there's the serendipitous time, when all of a sudden it'll just be her and one child and conversation or quality time will happen.

I suppose I do something similar with the kids, except that I have to deliberately make sure I'm getting "dates" with all three of them.  At this writing Basement Artist is the next one I need to catch up with.

We have to be very deliberate with this with our family.  Social Hurricane's various issues have in particular occupied so much time and energy over the years that we've had to be intentional about making sure the other kids weren't neglected, but SH herself is so much of an out-of-the-house extrovert that it'd be easy to leave her to her own devices unless we make an effort to stay connected to her.

Just one of the ways we do what we do.

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

Family Update

Here's what's been going on this week in our household.

1. Juggling vehicles a little bit because we're at least temporarily down from three to two.  However see #5 below.

2. Adored Wife is heavily in the middle of directing her play.  We knew it was going to be a short but intense rehearsal schedule--a few weeks and it's done.  We haven't seen her much and she's been pretty much exhausted when we have.  (That a slight exaggeration but only a slight one.)

3. Graphics Magician has been in that busy crossover between basketball not quite ended and track starting.  He's been a little tired with the extra physical activity.  Plus there's one teacher at school he doesn't get along with and that's a little stressful.  Whether it's him, her, or a combination it's still a thing to deal with.

4. Social Hurricane has been working a lot and is trying to sign up to retake the CNA course at the local community college--she's determined to do it right this time.  It's been a lot of paperwork but she's really taken the initiative on this one and I'm proud of her.  She doesn't drive but is very adept at taking the bus.

5. Basement Artist has her fiancé in for a visit.  Nice guy, and they've rented a car so they can get around a little bit.  Her birthday is also this week and she decided she wanted to have a birthday/introduce my friends to my Canadian boyfriend/have some people over party.  The introvert didn't know what she was letting herself in for but she's going to be fine.

6. I've still been pretty under the weather with the oral surgery convalescence; I honestly didn't know how it was going to be--I've been able to function and eat and talk so that's all great, but I've been ill and uncomfortable and lethargic for a week.  No fun, but it'll pass.

A lot going on but we're keeping our spirits up and God is gracious.  Last night we were all in and out of the kitchen jamming to YouTube videos playing on a laptop.  (Sesame Street songs, if you must know--you should check out "James Taylor Sesame Street Jelly Man Kelly")

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

The Evening Unwinding

Adored Wife and I used to be insistent on a small routine.  Every evening after things were more or less settled we'd spend a few minutes in the kitchen and just talk.  Usually with a diet cream soda.

We've gotten away from that and are deliberately and intentionally getting it back.  I don't know how it stopped happening (I think it was probably when both daughters started often staying up later than I did) but we miss it, we've been doing it again for several nights, and I like it.

Last night wasn't eventful.  We talked a little about my day, a little about her day, about some administrivia relating to today, about her upcoming show and some upcoming surgery and doctor visits and Graphics Magician trying out for the track team, about how we could pray for each other.  Then we called a halt to business and intentionally talked about fun stuff, and wound up critically appraising recent superhero movies in general and the Marvel Cinematic Universe in particular and some things we've thought it's done very well and some things we're a little iffy about.  (We're fans.)

And we'll do it again tonight.  And tomorrow night.  And so on ad infinitum.  I'm not going to tell you we'll never miss a night, but I plan for it not to be often.

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

The Ministry of Presence

I have to be straight with you--I often wish that God had made me a wiser man.  James 1:5 is one of the Bible verses I go back to a lot--"If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, Who gives to all freely and doesn't rebuke for it."

What this has to do with my family is that I often don't know what I'm doing trying to be a godly husband and father to my mixed-up wife and mixed-up kids when I'm such a mixed-up man myself.  I mean, I'd like to be the voice of wisdom and righteousness but in the words of the great Indiana Jones, "I'm making this up as I go along."

But one thing I'm pretty sure about is that it's a good idea to spend time and demonstrate care.  If Graphics Magician's having a tough go of it, I try to make sure I'm spending a little extra time with him.  If the Basement Artist is feeling a little insecure, I want to be there for her.  Ditto with Adored Wife and Social Hurricane when it's been a rough day--I wish I had better advice to offer, but I can at least let them know I care about them enough to invest an hour or two.

It's sometimes referred to as the ministry of presence--even if you can't offer a solution to the problems being faced, you can still be there for the person in need.  It's something we try to practice.

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.