A Boy's Adolescence

Among Adored Wife's other challenges, she deals with anxiety and panic attacks.

She's going to have a very difficult time with Graphics Magician's adolescence.

There's a several-year gap between the daughters and the son, and we always joke that ten years of experience as the parents of girls wasn't the slightest preparation for having a son.

That's becoming more and more true as he's moving into his teenaged years.

It's not that we didn't have trying times with Basement Artist and Social Hurricane when they were younger.  But they tended more toward the drama and the angst and the interpersonal troubles and the romantic issues.  Emotionally difficult, but physically pretty safe.

But GM wants to go exploring with his friends, and blaze new trails, and flirt with girls and be left unsupervised to go and see what the world has to offer.  Actually pretty normal boy things.  He's already been shot with a BB gun, bitten by a dog, gotten lost a couple of times, picked up numerous lacerations and bruises, and nearly gotten caught when he accidentally set off some poor fellow's car alarm (it had a "for sale" on it and the guys were leaning on the windows trying to see what the interior looked like.)  Innocent, well-intentioned, dumb stuff.  You know, boys.  Although I'm pretty sure he and his friends have on occasion made themselves a little obnoxious to various strangers.

And it's not that I haven't had a few chats with him about expectations and behavior, taking care to point out that what he and his friends consider "cute" the rest of the world might consider "rude" or "trouble."  I don't intend to let him run wild.  But I do intend to let him be a boy.

But AW is probably going to be a nervous wreck the next couple of years if she can't get the anxiety under control.  If he's not right in her eyesight or under the supervision of some adult she knows and trusts, she's inclined to panic about what trouble he might be in.  And she knows that she can't keep him in bubble wrap in the living room, and she's working on it.

But it's going to be a tough time for an anxiety-prone woman, being the mother of an adolescent boy.

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

We Blow It As Parents

Graphics Magician, our thirteen-year old son, doesn't read this blog, and neither do any of his friends.  So unless any of you tell him about this post, he'll likely never know about it.  So, you know, please don't.

But we're in for a very challenging adolescence with him.  The girls were challenging in their own ways, but not like this.  (We knew a large family in Richmond, and the mother said it was like having six "first children."  What worked with one was completely inapplicable to another.)

We let him hang out with some friends at a local shopping area.  GM said he thought one of the friend's moms was going to be there.  She wasn't.  Then he said he thought said mom was going to pick them up and bring them home after awhile.  That "after awhile" turned out to be several unsupervised hours. THEN he wasn't answering his phone or texts because he'd shut his phone off because he was running low on battery power because he'd used it all up playing games and texting with friends.

Adored Wife and I had kind of a frantic hour there, because we had no idea who was supervising him or when he was coming home and we couldn't get in touch with him.  I wound up going to get him.

This wasn't his fault, because he didn't tell us any untruths, and the phone thing did look logical from his point of view.  He turned it on every hour or so to check for messages.  And it certainly wasn't the fault of the friend's mom, who hadn't promised us anything.  This was our fault, for giving him more freedom than he was ready to handle.  They behaved, they survived, they didn't get in trouble (that we know of), but still.

We wish he'd handled it differently, and if he'd been more mature he would have.  But the whole problem is that he wasn't mature enough to be given that kind of freedom.

Plain and simple, we blew it, and have no one but ourselves to blame.

He had fun, and he's a little bewildered at how freaked out we were.  But he's not old enough to properly appreciate all the things that could have happened.

So, we're going to have to tighten up the boundaries, which won't be much fun.  We shouldn't have let them get that loose in the first place.  Our fault.  We expect some resistance.

We crave prayers for wisdom, friends,  This one's going to be challenging.

Thanks and God bless.

Social Hurricane Does the Adulting Thing

Social Hurricane will be twenty-two next month.  She'd be the first to tell you she's a little behind the typical schedule as far as moving toward adulthood.

To be fair, she had a rough couple of years, largely due to the onset of massive full-bore bipolar disorder coupled with anxiety issues and a a pretty intense learning disability.  Some really poor decision making in the middle of all that could also be said to be a significant contributing factor.

Of course, getting hit by a car probably didn't help much.  There probably are other young women her age who've had two stays in psychiatric facilities, a couple of weeks in the hospital, and a few additional weeks in a physical therapy rehabilitation facility, but I'm pretty sure she's in the minority.  We've lost count of the number of emergency room visits, and don't get me started on doctor bills.

But I digress.  She's moving toward adulthood.  She's employed full time as a CNA, which is no mean accomplishment in and of itself.  She's trying to get the hang of paying taxes, budgeting, bills, and keeping up with her own prescriptions and doctor visits.  At some point in time she's determined to get her driver's licence, but the anxiety aggravates the dyslexia, and she hasn't had the best of showings yet.  (Did you know that driving on the wrong side of the road is apparently an automatic fail in North Carolina?)  She wants to go on for further schooling and training, which we applaud; she's thinking phlebotomy.  She's definitely on a good career path for her--she likes working with people and with her hands.

And, at some point in time, she wants to move out, to spread her wings and fly.

Frankly, we're a little nervous about that possibility.  To be honest, so far she hasn't inspired a lot of confidence.  But she's way beyond what she was a couple of years ago--let's see what the next little while brings.

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

Endangered Family Time

This is not desirable, and we need to do something about it.

Granted there are lots of contributing factors, but I couldn't tell you the last time all five members of my immediate family were awake and in the household at the same time, at least for more than a half hour stretch (and not many of those.)   I know it's been at least two weeks.  I work, essentially, first shift, Basement Artist works second, and Social Hurricane works third.  Graphics Magician is frequently out and about at friends' houses, Adored Wife has a busy schedule, and I was out of town for a conference one weekend and then BA was out of town with her fiance for a few days.

It's been kind of crazy.

But still, we have to do something about this.  It's not going to happen today.  Tomorrow I think BA has the day off (at least I hope she does), and if that's the case and if we can get AW home from the theater by 8:30 and GM home from his friend's house (and if we can send any friends he happens to have over home), and if SH can be up a little early before she has to go to work....

I think we may be able to pull off a family conversation.  I'll have to get some ice cream and toppings and we'll sit around in the dining room and, you know, just talk.

About what, I don't know.  But by golly, we're going to get together as a family.

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

Anniversary Cane?

Adored Wife and I celebrated twenty-seven years of matrimony last week.  We went out to lunch, and a friend had given us free passes to Biltmore House in Asheville, NC, so we toured there for a couple of hours.  It was fantastic.

Minor snafu.  AW needs a cane, not for support but for balance.  She doesn't use one in the house because she can hold onto walls and furniture and steady herself fine.  But she keeps one in the van for when she goes out.

Except that morning, I'd used the van to haul a desk and cleared everything out of the back of it.  Including, of course, AW's cane.  I'd meant to put it back in.  Only I didn't.

So, we get to the restaurant and I smack myself in the head because it's at that point I realize I've forgotten to put the cane back in the van.  Absolutely nobody else to blame--this one was entirely and completely my fault.

We managed okay in the restaurant; AW just held on to my arm the whole time.  But she was understandably anxious about walking around Biltmore's house and grounds without her support--she has serious issues with unsteadiness and very little peripheral vision.

Our timetable would make going back home unworkable.  So, between the restaurant and the mansion I stopped in at Wal-Mart, and bought her a new cane.  Pretty blue one, actually.  She likes it.

Um...happy anniversary, sweetheart?

Hope all's well out there, friends, and God bless.

What's Been Going On

Hope all's well today, friends.

Last week I posted the "been kind of busy" blog post.

Some highlights from the family of late:

1. Basement Artist's fiance, Harbor Master, was visiting us for a couple of weeks, down from Canada.  He's back north now and I kind of miss him and BA really misses him.  He's a good guy, they're getting married in June, and we've been talking lots of wedding stuff.  I did draft him to help move some heavy furniture around while he was here.

2. Lots of illness has been running through the household, the neighborhood, the church, the school, and quite frankly everywhere else.  Some nonessential things (like, sadly, blogging) have had to bump a little lower on the priority list.

3. Graphics Magician has an inflammation of the growth plates in his heel called calcaneal hypophysitis.  He's supposed to be taking it easy on the running and physical activity, and he's not good at taking it easy.  He's out of track for this season and more than likely out of soccer for the season as well.  He's not happy about that.  He's been doing lots of socializing with friends--we've expanded his privileges a bit when he turned thirteen and (with a few hiccups) he's so far been behaving pretty responsibly regarding them.  It's required some adjustment and some getting used to thinks.  Adored Wife tends to be overprotective and anxious and she knows this and tries not to be, but it's hard.

4. Social Hurricane, oddly enough, seems to have the most normal and stable life in the household just at present.  Wow.  Would NEVER have called that........

5. Adored Wife has been very involved with personal and family interests and health concerns, and has been having to pick up some extra duty with BA's upcoming wedding and GM's foot problems and new social regime.  She got shanghaied onto a women's retreat at the church which she enjoyed but came back exhausted from.  

6.  I'm staying active working at the church, I wrapped up a play recently (thoroughly enjoyed doing it, but also kind of glad it's over) and I'm busy working on household projects, trying to pay attention to the family, and further writing projects.

And I haven't even told you about the cat or the troubles with the Jeep or the invasion of our home by random adolescents or the various birthday and anniversary celebrations or my first-ever writers' conference.

So, that's a little bit of it.

Thanks for reading, friends, and God bless.

Regrouping

Hello, friends, and sorry to miss the normal Monday posting.

There's a LOT going on in the household right now.  It's all good, but boredom is emphatically not an issue.

Happy anniversary to Adored Wife this coming Friday.  Twenty-seven adventurous years!

New material will return next Monday, March 20.

Thanks, friends, and God bless.